there is a sad beauty about an abandoned, run-down old building. it makes me cry on the inside to think that it will never again be to the level of its former glory. however, abandoned buildings are key to surviving the post-apocalypse. they provide shelter, and an unassuming camouflage in which one can hide among the rubble of distruction littering the planet's face.
small town in which i live, there are few abandoned buildings to choose from; pretty much, there's an old hardware store and an abandoned movie theater. given the choices, i'm going to say i prefer the abandoned movie theater; fewer windows means less chance of being discovered by undead soldiors... that, and i just love the look and feel of that old theater.
quick history: this theater was built in the mid to late sixties, and has been closed and decaying since the early eighties. within the last decade, a "preservation society" was put together to restore it to its former glory. (put "preservation society" in quotations because i have the conspiracy theory that they're only in it for the money; the moment they reached some major status -- so that all charitable contributions are tax deductable -- in 2007, they haven't done a DAMN THING!!! and even before then, all they did was wash the ticket booth window and repair the monicker... that takes care of the outside, but the inside is still a non-functioning, rotting shell of the wonderous world it once was.)
anyway, my proposal: as there does not appear to be any continued interfearance from the so-called "preservation society", it would appear opportune to set up a base of operations in the theater's auditorium (and projection room, if it is not too condemned), make it my home-away-from-home, use it to start preparing for the fallout, and also just because i've been wanting to go inside my whole life.
join me! help me break into the abandoned theater, and join me in preparing for the worst (and have a good time doing so in the mean time!)
that is all for Post-Apocalyptic February. i hope you liked it!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
P-A feb 3: mini-post-apocalyptic survival guide.
we all know the world will eventually end, but we don't know when; best get ready NOW!! here is a mini-survival guide to help you pack for the apocalypse fallout.
THE OBVIOUS STUFF:
- clothes (layers are very important; they can protect you from the sun's harmful un-ozoned rays, as well as the winter chill; you don't want to cary more than one spare shirt or pants because the stuff tends to get bulky; must have a very durable jacket, like leather or lined denim)
- weapons (avoid things that require a constant inflow of ammunition, like guns, flamethrowers, bazookas, and the like, as ammo is hard to come by when wandering the road; if you do happen to find a gun, save it for absolute emergencies; scavanger weapons include: bow and arrows, knives, swords, blunt instruments, and slingshots with versatile pouches)
- food (if you're starting to pack now, get things with a long shelf life; yes, canned foods do tend to last for friggin' ever, but do not travel well; dehydrated or packaged items, like protine or granola bars, which also last much longer than anyone would want them too, are the best choices for a wasteland traveller; start collecting tiny packets of ketchup, mustard, mayo, bbq sauce, and honey now, because you're going to want something to flavor all those granola bars)
- packing device (sturdy backpack, messanger bag, army bag, utility belt, etc.; something easy to carry that packs a load of stuff)
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS STUFF
- lots of extra socks, extra pair of shoes (with all the walking, socks will be a commodoty, and in times of war, people have been known to kill for a pair of shoes; it's good to have extras on hand, to prepare for the worst)
- first aid kit (includes band-aids, gauze, wrap and splint, antibiotic ointment, aloe, lotion; fits easily into one medium size pocket in whatever packing device you choose)
- hygine materials (soap, toothbrush and paste; again, people have been known to kill for less)
-scarf, do rag, or scissors (as a road wanderer has better things to worry about than making sure their hair looks nice -- you know, like, survive)
- 2 hats (one wide-brimmed for sunny days, one insulated for cold days)
- disguise material (if you do the fallout right, you'll doubtless work up a reputation; you'll want to enter a community setting to stock up on supplies without everyone you meet wanting to kill you)
- tokens from the past (any small, mundane material, like photos, a book, or small object with a memory behind it; in a world like this, you're going to want to reminesce in the wee hours, take out your tokens, and hold them close as though it could bring the past back to the present; that's how it happens in the movies, anyway)
so, i hope you found this mini-guide helpful, and that you're able to find all your supplies before the end, for it is near!
stay tuned for the final P-A feb article: JOIN ME!!!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!!
THE OBVIOUS STUFF:
- clothes (layers are very important; they can protect you from the sun's harmful un-ozoned rays, as well as the winter chill; you don't want to cary more than one spare shirt or pants because the stuff tends to get bulky; must have a very durable jacket, like leather or lined denim)
- weapons (avoid things that require a constant inflow of ammunition, like guns, flamethrowers, bazookas, and the like, as ammo is hard to come by when wandering the road; if you do happen to find a gun, save it for absolute emergencies; scavanger weapons include: bow and arrows, knives, swords, blunt instruments, and slingshots with versatile pouches)
- food (if you're starting to pack now, get things with a long shelf life; yes, canned foods do tend to last for friggin' ever, but do not travel well; dehydrated or packaged items, like protine or granola bars, which also last much longer than anyone would want them too, are the best choices for a wasteland traveller; start collecting tiny packets of ketchup, mustard, mayo, bbq sauce, and honey now, because you're going to want something to flavor all those granola bars)
- packing device (sturdy backpack, messanger bag, army bag, utility belt, etc.; something easy to carry that packs a load of stuff)
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS STUFF
- lots of extra socks, extra pair of shoes (with all the walking, socks will be a commodoty, and in times of war, people have been known to kill for a pair of shoes; it's good to have extras on hand, to prepare for the worst)
- first aid kit (includes band-aids, gauze, wrap and splint, antibiotic ointment, aloe, lotion; fits easily into one medium size pocket in whatever packing device you choose)
- hygine materials (soap, toothbrush and paste; again, people have been known to kill for less)
-scarf, do rag, or scissors (as a road wanderer has better things to worry about than making sure their hair looks nice -- you know, like, survive)
- 2 hats (one wide-brimmed for sunny days, one insulated for cold days)
- disguise material (if you do the fallout right, you'll doubtless work up a reputation; you'll want to enter a community setting to stock up on supplies without everyone you meet wanting to kill you)
- tokens from the past (any small, mundane material, like photos, a book, or small object with a memory behind it; in a world like this, you're going to want to reminesce in the wee hours, take out your tokens, and hold them close as though it could bring the past back to the present; that's how it happens in the movies, anyway)
so, i hope you found this mini-guide helpful, and that you're able to find all your supplies before the end, for it is near!
stay tuned for the final P-A feb article: JOIN ME!!!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
P-A feb 2: my favorite post-apocalyptic films
appologies, loyal reader(s), for my silence throughout the majority of this dreaded month. quite busy in the ways of college (i wish the world would just end already, so i wouldn't have to do any more school work!)
today, i am going to post and esplain my favorite post-apocalyptic genre films. read them. love them. watch them. then bow down before me as your queen of the wasteland!!! mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!...... er, i mean, tell me what ya think.
"WALL-E"despite this being both a Disney and Pixar film (i.e. produced by a double-band of swindlers and theives), as well as C.G. (overrated and too expensive), it's actually pretty good. the first half of it, in the wasteland, is pretty much a silent film (a lost art these days), and there's some great, haunting imagery in what was once new york city. the second half is more sci-fi (nothing against it; love it, in fact, though it's mixing genres and makes it hard to talk about in a post-apocalyptic sens). it's all about this garbage-compactor robot, (WALL-E) the only one left un-scrapped, who continues compacting and stacking cubes of garbage for nigh on 700 years, just because he doesn't know he can stop -- that is, till he meets EVE, the beautiful, high-tech, carreer driven egg-shaped bot who barely aknowledges his existance. the whole story revolves around his attempts to win her affection, while she attempts to protect the last plant in existance.
meh, on the love story, awesome on the settings, rock-on, on the 2000: Space Odessey referances. love that movie.
"Tank Girl"a triumph of '90's grunge (guiltily admit i love it). a comet has hit the earth, and water has become a commodity. after escaping the evil water-tycoon's cyborg grasp, Tank Girl and Jet Girl (no kidding) wander out into the dessert in search of a little girl who has been sold to the whorehous (no kidding). they are later taken custudy of, and later, partner with the Rippers, a band of ass-kicking kangaroo-human ninjas (no kidding), and they all band together to infiltrate Water and Power, take down the tycoon, and rescue the little girl. oh, and Tank and Jet get kangaroo boyfriends (...no kidding).
great australian comic book premise, awesome post-apocalyptic multi-media fashion, and great punky music that you'd probably hate. all in all, Tank Girl friggin' rocks!!!
"Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome"first off, the other Mad Max movies suck. just sayin'.
Mad Max, after wandering through the waste, finds himself at a small, cobbled-together society called Barter Town, which has electricity and running machines, and appears to be run by Tina Turner, but, underground in a major pig sty, shovelling piggy-poop into furnaces so that the town can run on methane, is the real head of Barter Town: MasterBlaster (Master is the super-smart dwarf riding on the shoulders of super-strong, yet retarded, Blaster -- brains and brawn). after going up against Blaster in the Thunderdome (a cage in which death battles are held, so as to avoid war), but refusing to kill him, Max is sentanced to wander the waste for going back on his deal with Tina Turner. he ends up in this villiage of children who have raised themselves, and created a religious mythology around the bits of pre-apocalyptic stuff left behind by the adults (it's actually kinda hillarious, while a little bit sad... like pathetic, not like boo-hoo). Max uses these kids to rescue the imprisioned Master and deliver them all to Tomorrow-morrow-land, or Sidney, Australia after the apocalypse (why do so many of these stories take place in Australia?), before continuing his wandering.
"The Postman"a guy takes refuge from people hunting him down in a mail truck, and takes the skelleton's jacket and sachel when he leaves. he uses letters in his sack to bluff his way into the next town he finds, telling them that a government has been re-established, and spilling all this b.s. about what a wonderful place it is going to be when things get started... he mostly just wants a hot meal and a horse so he can get outa there and back to his lonesome state. but when he impregnates a girl who gets kidnapped by the men tracking him down, he has no choice but to take Ford (the only black kid in the whole movie) and his new "government official" status and rescue her, then continue building the lines of communication accross the broken world by creating an actual postal service. eventually, life restores. happy ending.
"9"i love this one. it's a little out there, so bear with me as i explain: a man creates nine burlap rag dolls, and gives each of them a piece of his soul so that they can keep the world going after the machine he has created kills every living thing in the world and ate their souls. with me so far? good. the last one, 9 (each doll's name is the number they were created), finds his way to the ragdoll community, where he meets 1, the narrow-minded leader, 2, an older guy with a nack for scavanging and inventing, 3 and 4, twins (made from gloves) who catalogue and research everything the humans have left behind, 5, a one-eyed cartographer, 6, a half-crazed artist with visions of the future (character design based on Tim Burton, co-producer of the film), 7, the female adventurer who kicks butt faster than any of the others, and 8, a muscle-bound idiot addicted to magnet. 9 inadvertantly wakes up the killing machine his father first created, who then procedes to hunt each and every one of the ragdolls down, killing them and eating their souls, sending odd creations to take them down, then finally chasing them itself. in the end, the machine finally dies, and all that are left in the gang are 2, 3, 7, and 9. all's well that ends well. great steam-punk images, and love the misplaced time period.
ok, i hope you enjoyed these post-apocalyptic films, and hope you watch a couple -- they're pretty good. EMBRACE THE WASTELAND!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
P-Afeb 1: preceeding the post-apocalypse (which is, um, the apocalypse)
just about every culture in existance has an apocalyptic prediction. some are in accordance with each other, while others are more unique. it's interesting study, but when it comes down to truth, they can't all be right!
MYAN 2012 APOCALYPSE
take the most famous prediction, made more and more famous all the time, by the Myans. they were expert time-keepers, could follow the sun, moon, and stars to figure out exactly where they were in the decade, year, month, and day. (it's a shame that a culture with so much brain-power were still making human sacrafices) one of their greatest inventions was that of the "calander", which ends on (if you don't know the rest of the sentance by now, you are thick!!) December 21, 2012.
there is a large, almost cult-like following of the Myan "Apocalypse" calander. it is assumed by the public that the main calander maker was in some sort of trance, caught glimpses of the future, which, supposedly, includes a meteor shower or solar flare, something of the like, then made the calander on the floor of his favorite room to warn future generations. i, however, think it went more like this:
"hey, boss, we're running out of tiles, here! can i stop?"
"well, what year are you on, now?"
"uh, 2012."
"2012?! surely people can find more tiles by then to keep it going! do you have enough to finnish off the year?"
"all but ten days of it."
"eh, close enough! come on, sacrafices start in an hour."
that's my theory, anyway.
HOPI APOCALYPSE
almost as famous are the ancient Hopi Indians. according the knowledge-gettin' places, their supposed prophesies declare that the beginning of the end of days is by the coming of the white man ('course, look at it from their point of view, i can see how that would seem like the end of the world, the way they were treated), rail roads and highways ("iron snakes and stone rivers that cross the land"), the internet ("giant spider's web the criss-crosses the whole world), and the recent oil spills ("seas that turn black").
the actual Hopi apocalypse includes a blue star from the heavens "falling to the earth with a crash" (i have no idea what "blue star" actually means, whether it's a metaphore for something, like the iron snake thing, or if blue stars are actually scientiffically concievable), followed by major earthquakes, WWIII with large battles in desserts, and the coming of Pahana, a prophet teacher to usher in the new age.
sounds good. bit of a retrospect bias in there, but i can dig it, just as long as Pahana=Jesus.
NOSTRADAMUS APOCALYPSE
here's another famous one you might've heard of: the "prophesies" of Nostradamus, which declare WWIII beginning in July of 1999 (which i don't really recall happening; even an 8-year-old would notice a world war during the commercials of "Pinkie and the Brain"), and the coming of the Third Antichrist (apparantly, Hitler was the second, and i can't find record of the first), whether this means his coming into power, or into the World.
i'm not well-versed enough in world politics to have an idea which power-pusher would be the Big A, but if he were in power already, i'm sure everyone would be shoving it down my throat, all about how great he is, how he's going bring world peace (as the Great Deciever, according to every culture with this apocolyptic aspect, will be celebrated, not feared). however, if he were born a Sagitarious in 1999, except for the occasional "prodegy" reports, we wouldn't hear from him, probably, for at least another 20 years (unless he pulls a "Damien" thing).
still, most of his prophesies are only made sense of in a hindsight bias -- it already happened, now we understand what he was talking about! we should've known exactly where and when Hitler was going to be born! we know now that we already knew that the 9/11 attack was going to happen! .... so, why didn't anyone do anything to stop it ahead of time? churns my butter, man. even if his predictions are real and God-based as he claimed, there's no point in giving prophesies if no one is going to listen to them until ten to fifty years after the fact!
"WEB-BOT PROJECT" APOCALYPSE
looking to the modernization of apocalyptic, we look to the "Web-Bot project", initiated in 1990. it swims through the internet, checking out page after page, picking out patterns in web chatter, originally to predict stock market patterns, but, according to its programmers and the millions of conspiracy theorists in its following, the Bot had other plans: that of predicting disasters. again, in a hindsight bias, it is sworn to have predicted the 9/11 attack (but no action was taken to prevent it), the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami (ditto), and some sort of "cataclysmic disaster" occuring on 12/21/12 (probably due to all the Myan Apocalypse blogs out ther; not hard to figure that one out), with a four-month period of complete electrical communication silence following (did people just schedule their lives around the apocalypse? how else would it be able to decide that?), picking up again in mid-April, 2013. sounds like a fallout to me! that's my favorite part!
CHRISTIAN APOCALYPSE
it's sad to learn that this is not a very popular apocalyptic theory. had to do four google searches just to find some catalogued information that made it a little more clear to understand than the thee's, thou's, and 'tst's in my bible. (still not sure any of the information i found was helpful...)
the first big sign is Israel land fights being over, which happened somewhere in the 1940's. other than that, there's some others that i find too confusing to place (and no one out there is helping me!), other than God told Noah that the next time he destroyed the Earth, it would be with fire (which, you know, could mean solar flare, meteorites, volcano, war...), and that no one, not even Jesus, knows the exact time it will happen (which, for me, kinda rules out 12/21/12).
you know about the Antichrist -- i hope everyone does.
Tribulation can be described as the whole Apocalyptic process: the Antichrist's playtime with his accumulated followers, the big disaster, the final countdown before God takes over (in whatever order).
the big thing that sets the Christian apocalypse apart from all the others is the aspect of the Rapture -- that is, when Jesus returns to Earth to escourt all the Christians to Heaven without having to die first. there is some dispute about when during the Tribulation this will occur; the "Left Behind" films suggest pre-Trib. rapture, while others side with post-Trib. mid-Trib is also a choice, but it's too inexact to talk about. personally, i'm hoping for mid- to post-Trib, to get some of the disaster fallout action (not upto me, of course, but a girl can hope).
i hope you enjoyed this entery, and hope the educational elements have not turned you off to the rest of Post-Apocalyptic February -- it gets more fun, but just felt needed to address this before i did anything.
happy P-A feb, everybody! embrace the fallout...
(warning: very long, somewhat educational, but sliced into sections... not feelin' it? skip to last section, is most important of the bunch, anyway)
MYAN 2012 APOCALYPSE
take the most famous prediction, made more and more famous all the time, by the Myans. they were expert time-keepers, could follow the sun, moon, and stars to figure out exactly where they were in the decade, year, month, and day. (it's a shame that a culture with so much brain-power were still making human sacrafices) one of their greatest inventions was that of the "calander", which ends on (if you don't know the rest of the sentance by now, you are thick!!) December 21, 2012.
there is a large, almost cult-like following of the Myan "Apocalypse" calander. it is assumed by the public that the main calander maker was in some sort of trance, caught glimpses of the future, which, supposedly, includes a meteor shower or solar flare, something of the like, then made the calander on the floor of his favorite room to warn future generations. i, however, think it went more like this:
"hey, boss, we're running out of tiles, here! can i stop?"
"well, what year are you on, now?"
"uh, 2012."
"2012?! surely people can find more tiles by then to keep it going! do you have enough to finnish off the year?"
"all but ten days of it."
"eh, close enough! come on, sacrafices start in an hour."
that's my theory, anyway.
HOPI APOCALYPSE
almost as famous are the ancient Hopi Indians. according the knowledge-gettin' places, their supposed prophesies declare that the beginning of the end of days is by the coming of the white man ('course, look at it from their point of view, i can see how that would seem like the end of the world, the way they were treated), rail roads and highways ("iron snakes and stone rivers that cross the land"), the internet ("giant spider's web the criss-crosses the whole world), and the recent oil spills ("seas that turn black").
the actual Hopi apocalypse includes a blue star from the heavens "falling to the earth with a crash" (i have no idea what "blue star" actually means, whether it's a metaphore for something, like the iron snake thing, or if blue stars are actually scientiffically concievable), followed by major earthquakes, WWIII with large battles in desserts, and the coming of Pahana, a prophet teacher to usher in the new age.
sounds good. bit of a retrospect bias in there, but i can dig it, just as long as Pahana=Jesus.
NOSTRADAMUS APOCALYPSE
here's another famous one you might've heard of: the "prophesies" of Nostradamus, which declare WWIII beginning in July of 1999 (which i don't really recall happening; even an 8-year-old would notice a world war during the commercials of "Pinkie and the Brain"), and the coming of the Third Antichrist (apparantly, Hitler was the second, and i can't find record of the first), whether this means his coming into power, or into the World.
i'm not well-versed enough in world politics to have an idea which power-pusher would be the Big A, but if he were in power already, i'm sure everyone would be shoving it down my throat, all about how great he is, how he's going bring world peace (as the Great Deciever, according to every culture with this apocolyptic aspect, will be celebrated, not feared). however, if he were born a Sagitarious in 1999, except for the occasional "prodegy" reports, we wouldn't hear from him, probably, for at least another 20 years (unless he pulls a "Damien" thing).
still, most of his prophesies are only made sense of in a hindsight bias -- it already happened, now we understand what he was talking about! we should've known exactly where and when Hitler was going to be born! we know now that we already knew that the 9/11 attack was going to happen! .... so, why didn't anyone do anything to stop it ahead of time? churns my butter, man. even if his predictions are real and God-based as he claimed, there's no point in giving prophesies if no one is going to listen to them until ten to fifty years after the fact!
"WEB-BOT PROJECT" APOCALYPSE
looking to the modernization of apocalyptic, we look to the "Web-Bot project", initiated in 1990. it swims through the internet, checking out page after page, picking out patterns in web chatter, originally to predict stock market patterns, but, according to its programmers and the millions of conspiracy theorists in its following, the Bot had other plans: that of predicting disasters. again, in a hindsight bias, it is sworn to have predicted the 9/11 attack (but no action was taken to prevent it), the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami (ditto), and some sort of "cataclysmic disaster" occuring on 12/21/12 (probably due to all the Myan Apocalypse blogs out ther; not hard to figure that one out), with a four-month period of complete electrical communication silence following (did people just schedule their lives around the apocalypse? how else would it be able to decide that?), picking up again in mid-April, 2013. sounds like a fallout to me! that's my favorite part!
CHRISTIAN APOCALYPSE
it's sad to learn that this is not a very popular apocalyptic theory. had to do four google searches just to find some catalogued information that made it a little more clear to understand than the thee's, thou's, and 'tst's in my bible. (still not sure any of the information i found was helpful...)
the first big sign is Israel land fights being over, which happened somewhere in the 1940's. other than that, there's some others that i find too confusing to place (and no one out there is helping me!), other than God told Noah that the next time he destroyed the Earth, it would be with fire (which, you know, could mean solar flare, meteorites, volcano, war...), and that no one, not even Jesus, knows the exact time it will happen (which, for me, kinda rules out 12/21/12).
you know about the Antichrist -- i hope everyone does.
Tribulation can be described as the whole Apocalyptic process: the Antichrist's playtime with his accumulated followers, the big disaster, the final countdown before God takes over (in whatever order).
the big thing that sets the Christian apocalypse apart from all the others is the aspect of the Rapture -- that is, when Jesus returns to Earth to escourt all the Christians to Heaven without having to die first. there is some dispute about when during the Tribulation this will occur; the "Left Behind" films suggest pre-Trib. rapture, while others side with post-Trib. mid-Trib is also a choice, but it's too inexact to talk about. personally, i'm hoping for mid- to post-Trib, to get some of the disaster fallout action (not upto me, of course, but a girl can hope).
i hope you enjoyed this entery, and hope the educational elements have not turned you off to the rest of Post-Apocalyptic February -- it gets more fun, but just felt needed to address this before i did anything.
happy P-A feb, everybody! embrace the fallout...
Friday, January 28, 2011
quick announcement: FANTASTIC EVENT TO OCCUR ON THE RANDOM TURTLE IN FEBRUARY!!!
ah, February. month of black history, romance, and mass suicide, the latter two of which can be attributed to the same dark reason.... (ba-ba-ba-bummm....) Valentein's Day!
any long-time reader of The Random Turtle knows my bleak outlook on commercial hollidays in general, and Valentein's Day in particular. i'm not being shrewish due to personal reasons (in fact, i am sure that, should the phenomenon of myself being mated up occur, i would still hold dark grudges against this holliday), nor is it due to commercial brainwashing on all who would listen to Media's fould reasoning ("you are nothing if you are with no one... your romantic relationship defines you and nothing else will do... friendship, spiritual relationship, and relationship to you inner-psyche should only come after you have the perfect romance... you're ugly and pathetic, here's some chocolate... it's a shame you have to kill yourself now, but it really is for the best...").
my deepest reason for despising this holliday is the movies that are released around this period of time: poorly-excecuted chick flicks with recycled plots, which, after so many, are incredibly tiring and i care not to go on; or poorly-excecuted horror flicks with recycled digital tricks and not enough real to them, so that, at this point, they are neither scary nor shocking, just gross and slightly disturbing -- and besides, horror really is more Lord Semaj's genre than mine.
this got me thinking about what genre i preferred over either of those, the one genre i always get very excited about when i see a new film or book has been released, that i can't seem to stop talking/thinking/daydreaming about; pretty much the only genre i personally identify with my own twisted romance ideal:
THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND!!!
so, for the month of February, instead of condemning Valentein's Day as is my yearly tradition, and en lieu of going on yet another rant against the brainwashing powers Media has been given by the public, i shall make February Post-Apocalyptic Month!!!
just wait. it's gonna be good.
any long-time reader of The Random Turtle knows my bleak outlook on commercial hollidays in general, and Valentein's Day in particular. i'm not being shrewish due to personal reasons (in fact, i am sure that, should the phenomenon of myself being mated up occur, i would still hold dark grudges against this holliday), nor is it due to commercial brainwashing on all who would listen to Media's fould reasoning ("you are nothing if you are with no one... your romantic relationship defines you and nothing else will do... friendship, spiritual relationship, and relationship to you inner-psyche should only come after you have the perfect romance... you're ugly and pathetic, here's some chocolate... it's a shame you have to kill yourself now, but it really is for the best...").
my deepest reason for despising this holliday is the movies that are released around this period of time: poorly-excecuted chick flicks with recycled plots, which, after so many, are incredibly tiring and i care not to go on; or poorly-excecuted horror flicks with recycled digital tricks and not enough real to them, so that, at this point, they are neither scary nor shocking, just gross and slightly disturbing -- and besides, horror really is more Lord Semaj's genre than mine.
this got me thinking about what genre i preferred over either of those, the one genre i always get very excited about when i see a new film or book has been released, that i can't seem to stop talking/thinking/daydreaming about; pretty much the only genre i personally identify with my own twisted romance ideal:
THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND!!!
so, for the month of February, instead of condemning Valentein's Day as is my yearly tradition, and en lieu of going on yet another rant against the brainwashing powers Media has been given by the public, i shall make February Post-Apocalyptic Month!!!
just wait. it's gonna be good.
Friday, January 21, 2011
FRANKI'S FAVORITE FILMS film 2: Labyrinth
so, what do you get when you take Jim Hensen (creator of the muppets), Mr. Froud, a young Jennifer Connelly, George Lucas (whose name had better be known to the readers of this blog!), David Bowie, and a beautiful white barn owl, add a touch of M. C. Escher, toss it into the 80's and stir it all up?
Labyrinth!!! of course...
looking into my crystal ball, i see imminent spoilers!!! (seriously, it was made in 1986, so if you haven't seen it by now...)
Labyrinth is a story about an angsty teenaged girl who seems desperate to hold onto her dwindling childhood (which is fine with me, but don't be surprised when no one will treat you like an andult!) who wishes her little brother, Toby (who, incidentally, is played by Toby Froud, the creative director's one-year-old son) to be stolen away by Jareth, the Goblin King (who bears a striking resemblance to David Bowie in an awesome mullet wig and tight-tight pants!) who, according to Sara's own fairy tale, is hopelessly in love with her (though, why, no one can seem to figure out...). and, just to outdo myself, i'll add another "who." who.
naturally, Sarah realizes her mistake and decides she wants her brother back, stripey bum and all, so Jareth strikes a deal: if she can make it through the labyrinth, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, fighting her way to his castle beyond the Goblin City, she can then TRY to take back the child. oh, and she has 13 hours to do this in (i seriously want the clock hanging in Jareth's throne room, with it's bronze bits and ginormous cogs, that strikes thirteen at midnight...).
going through the labyrinth, Sarah meets up with many strange and unusual characters, including but not limited to Hoggle, a half-goblin-half-troll who is a bit of a greedy coward (who arcs into a good friend and better person by the end of the movie), Ludo, a tall, hairy beast with a connection to the rocks and a heart of gold, and Sir Diddymus, a half-dog-half-fox ex-soldior in easy retirement, guarding the bridge to the Bog of Eternal Stench (neither of whom have much of an arc, but are good characters nonetheless). she runs into a bunch of bad luck, like having all the marks she made to keep herself from going in circles being tampered with, having to solve riddles and fail, even when she gets the answer right, getting stuck in an Oubliette (awesome word meaning "dungeon lacking in doors"), being chased down Indiana-Jones style by a great, metal contraption known as the Cleaner, almost getting her head ripped off by Fireys, and being trapped in a bubbled masquerade and forced to look awesome and dance with a rock-star villain with tight-tight pants (seriously, she considered that BAD luck, and broke out of there...).
but, by far, my favorite part is at the near-end: Sarah, after having fought her way into the castle beyond the Goblin City, finds herself alone in the Escher room (better known as the Room of Stairs, where they go every which way, and gravity is dependant on which flight you're on) with Jareth and Toby (who by now is almost a full Goblin; he can manipulate the stairs with the same ease as Jareth himself). this is my favorite scene for several reasons:
1. the visual tricks -- while the way they were done may seem simple to us now, it would've been visually stunning back in "the day". and, unlike today's Digital Age, where the whipe from real to CG (which removes the audience from the story) is clumsey and under-thought, and extreamily expensive to do so, the visual tricks in the Escher scene of Labyrinth were simple and somewhat less expensive to accomplish (camera tilt, maniquin doubles, inclined planes, film dropping -- easy enough, but well-done), as well as REAL, which gives a sense of immediacy and doesn't let the audience fall away from the story, as the obviousness of digital graphics tend to do.
2. the music -- my favorite song in the film; synthesizer (guiltily admit, love the synthasizer) but with a bit of an ominous beat, and the lyrics completely sum up Jareth's internal struggle as a character (the villain who goes down the wrong path to accomplish what is, ultimately, an admirable goal; that is, try to get someone to fall in love with you).
3. the subject-matter -- i love Escher. he's my favorite artist, and the room of stairs is one of my favorite works of his (am surprised one of my other ones, the self-portrait as reflected in a glass ball, didn't make a referance in the movie, what with Jareth's crystal balls). one day, i want to build a room of stairs from magnetic metal, take it into space, where ther is no gravity, invent electrmagnetic-soled shoes, and walk around in it, on every set of stairs. that would be awesome.
of course, in the end, Sarah realizes Jareth has no power over her, and that she could've taken Toby away at any time (though, if she had, the whole film would've been for naught), just as the clock strikes 13 (but stops at 12 as she ends up in her own home) and Jareth dissolves into his alter-ego of a beautiful white barn owl, and flies out the window. classic movie stuff. she decides it's time for her to grow up a bit, puts away some of her more childish toys (however, leaving the Goblin King figurine out where we can still see it), then all the Labyrinth characters return to Sarah's bedroom for a party (which is classic Jim Henson, but not really a factor i like, it makes me cringe a bit), and we see Jareth's feathered self, still watching Sarah from afar, one last time before the credits roll.
the message of this coming-of-age movie: growing up is dizzying process (unless, like me, you were always perpetually 45 or 7, depending on the day), almost like a maze, but it's the friends we make along the journey that makes it all worthwhile. that, and people don't always have as much power over us as we (or they) think they do.
i love this movie, the sorta steampunk fairy tale images, and (i have to admit) the music, and, really, who could help but love David Bowie? especially in a cape. capes make me happy.
Labyrinth is a wonderful movie, despite the bratty compulsions of the main heroine, and is yet another, i have found, where i prefer the villain to the heroes.
i leave you, at last, with the lyrics to the final song in the movie, in the Escher room:
how you've turned my world
you precious thing
you starve and near-exhaust me
everything i've done, i've done for you
i move the starst for no one
you've run so long
you've run so far
your eyes can be so cruel
just as i can be so cruel
though i do believe in you
yes, i do
live without your sunlight
love without your heartbeat
i, i can't live within you...
Monday, January 17, 2011
serious question; request response
sorry for recent silence -- not much time on hands from college. on that note, following is a very serious question, one to which i am clueless to answer, except for a few suggestions.
i have no friggin' idea what to do with my life. i have only one year left to wishy-washy it over, then the beaurocrats of higher education will demand an answer.
only ideas i have:
1. teacher -- this is what i have told people several months ago that i would do, but certain things have come to mind to squash that thought: arts education is getting to be less and less of a priority these days, and, were i forced to teach subjects that a) i care not for (math, grammar) or b) i cannot fully support (history, which is a series of lies agreed upon, or science, most of which, while intriguing, is yet theoretical, and passing it as absolute truth seems like another lie agreed upon), my zeal for the position would be veritably squashed. besides that, no matter what subject i would teach, children are cruel, and i wish not to subject myself to their evil ridicule.
2. psychologist (not psychiatrist: i prefer not to perscribe medicine) -- i must admit, with the giddy joy i get every time i find an old psychology textbook to add to my collection, that i find the way people's minds work fascinating, though i don't know what good i can do to help others with their problems; i've always been horrible at comforting people when they're down. often, i just make it worse...
3. professional artist -- starving artist, more like. artists don't make a lot of money, and often hold multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Picasso was the only major artist to become rich in his own time, and he was a literal prodegy. would be nice to be him, but i fear i'd be more a tragic van Gogh.
4. film animation artist/creative director/whatever else i could possibly do on a movie set -- huge movie buff, and, if i were to work on some of them, maybe i can help them to not suck. coolest thing i can think of doing, become a regular attatchment to Tim Burton's film teams. that would rock, but i don't think there are any applications out for that sorta thing...
there are a lot of things i WANT to do, and even more things that i would be better suited for doing, but when it comes to what i end up really working toward, i am absolutely clueless.
....any suggestions?
i have no friggin' idea what to do with my life. i have only one year left to wishy-washy it over, then the beaurocrats of higher education will demand an answer.
only ideas i have:
1. teacher -- this is what i have told people several months ago that i would do, but certain things have come to mind to squash that thought: arts education is getting to be less and less of a priority these days, and, were i forced to teach subjects that a) i care not for (math, grammar) or b) i cannot fully support (history, which is a series of lies agreed upon, or science, most of which, while intriguing, is yet theoretical, and passing it as absolute truth seems like another lie agreed upon), my zeal for the position would be veritably squashed. besides that, no matter what subject i would teach, children are cruel, and i wish not to subject myself to their evil ridicule.
2. psychologist (not psychiatrist: i prefer not to perscribe medicine) -- i must admit, with the giddy joy i get every time i find an old psychology textbook to add to my collection, that i find the way people's minds work fascinating, though i don't know what good i can do to help others with their problems; i've always been horrible at comforting people when they're down. often, i just make it worse...
3. professional artist -- starving artist, more like. artists don't make a lot of money, and often hold multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Picasso was the only major artist to become rich in his own time, and he was a literal prodegy. would be nice to be him, but i fear i'd be more a tragic van Gogh.
4. film animation artist/creative director/whatever else i could possibly do on a movie set -- huge movie buff, and, if i were to work on some of them, maybe i can help them to not suck. coolest thing i can think of doing, become a regular attatchment to Tim Burton's film teams. that would rock, but i don't think there are any applications out for that sorta thing...
there are a lot of things i WANT to do, and even more things that i would be better suited for doing, but when it comes to what i end up really working toward, i am absolutely clueless.
....any suggestions?
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