P-Afeb 1: preceeding the post-apocalypse (which is, um, the apocalypse)

just about every culture in existance has an apocalyptic prediction. some are in accordance with each other, while others are more unique. it's interesting study, but when it comes down to truth, they can't all be right!

(warning: very long, somewhat educational, but sliced into sections... not feelin' it? skip to last section, is most important of the bunch, anyway)

MYAN 2012 APOCALYPSE
take the most famous prediction, made more and more famous all the time, by the Myans. they were expert time-keepers, could follow the sun, moon, and stars to figure out exactly where they were in the decade, year, month, and day. (it's a shame that a culture with so much brain-power were still making human sacrafices) one of their greatest inventions was that of the "calander", which ends on (if you don't know the rest of the sentance by now, you are thick!!) December 21, 2012.

there is a large, almost cult-like following of the Myan "Apocalypse" calander. it is assumed by the public that the main calander maker was in some sort of trance, caught glimpses of the future, which, supposedly, includes a meteor shower or solar flare, something of the like, then made the calander on the floor of his favorite room to warn future generations. i, however, think it went more like this:
"hey, boss, we're running out of tiles, here! can i stop?"
"well, what year are you on, now?"
"uh, 2012."
"2012?! surely people can find more tiles by then to keep it going! do you have enough to finnish off the year?"
"all but ten days of it."
"eh, close enough! come on, sacrafices start in an hour."

that's my theory, anyway.

HOPI APOCALYPSE
almost as famous are the ancient Hopi Indians. according the knowledge-gettin' places, their supposed prophesies declare that the beginning of the end of days is by the coming of the white man ('course, look at it from their point of view, i can see how that would seem like the end of the world, the way they were treated), rail roads and highways ("iron snakes and stone rivers that cross the land"), the internet ("giant spider's web the criss-crosses the whole world), and the recent oil spills ("seas that turn black").

the actual Hopi apocalypse includes a blue star from the heavens "falling to the earth with a crash" (i have no idea what "blue star" actually means, whether it's a metaphore for something, like the iron snake thing, or if blue stars are actually scientiffically concievable), followed by major earthquakes, WWIII with large battles in desserts, and the coming of Pahana, a prophet teacher to usher in the new age.

sounds good. bit of a retrospect bias in there, but i can dig it, just as long as Pahana=Jesus.

NOSTRADAMUS APOCALYPSE
here's another famous one you might've heard of: the "prophesies" of Nostradamus, which declare WWIII beginning in July of 1999 (which i don't really recall happening; even an 8-year-old would notice a world war during the commercials of "Pinkie and the Brain"), and the coming of the Third Antichrist (apparantly, Hitler was the second, and i can't find record of the first), whether this means his coming into power, or into the World.

i'm not well-versed enough in world politics to have an idea which power-pusher would be the Big A, but if he were in power already, i'm sure everyone would be shoving it down my throat, all about how great he is, how he's going bring world peace (as the Great Deciever, according to every culture with this apocolyptic aspect, will be celebrated, not feared). however, if he were born a Sagitarious in 1999, except for the occasional "prodegy" reports, we wouldn't hear from him, probably, for at least another 20 years (unless he pulls a "Damien" thing).

still, most of his prophesies are only made sense of in a hindsight bias -- it already happened, now we understand what he was talking about! we should've known exactly where and when Hitler was going to be born! we know now that we already knew that the 9/11 attack was going to happen! .... so, why didn't anyone do anything to stop it ahead of time? churns my butter, man. even if his predictions are real and God-based as he claimed, there's no point in giving prophesies if no one is going to listen to them until ten to fifty years after the fact!

"WEB-BOT PROJECT" APOCALYPSE
looking to the modernization of apocalyptic, we look to the "Web-Bot project", initiated in 1990. it swims through the internet, checking out page after page, picking out patterns in web chatter, originally to predict stock market patterns, but, according to its programmers and the millions of conspiracy theorists in its following, the Bot had other plans: that of predicting disasters. again, in a hindsight bias, it is sworn to have predicted the 9/11 attack (but no action was taken to prevent it), the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami (ditto), and some sort of "cataclysmic disaster" occuring on 12/21/12 (probably due to all the Myan Apocalypse blogs out ther; not hard to figure that one out), with a four-month period of complete electrical communication silence following (did people just schedule their lives around the apocalypse? how else would it be able to decide that?), picking up again in mid-April, 2013. sounds like a fallout to me! that's my favorite part!

CHRISTIAN APOCALYPSE
it's sad to learn that this is not a very popular apocalyptic theory. had to do four google searches just to find some catalogued information that made it a little more clear to understand than the thee's, thou's, and 'tst's in my bible. (still not sure any of the information i found was helpful...)

the first big sign is Israel land fights being over, which happened somewhere in the 1940's. other than that, there's some others that i find too confusing to place (and no one out there is helping me!), other than God told Noah that the next time he destroyed the Earth, it would be with fire (which, you know, could mean solar flare, meteorites, volcano, war...), and that no one, not even Jesus, knows the exact time it will happen (which, for me, kinda rules out 12/21/12).

you know about the Antichrist -- i hope everyone does.

Tribulation can be described as the whole Apocalyptic process: the Antichrist's playtime with his accumulated followers, the big disaster, the final countdown before God takes over (in whatever order).

the big thing that sets the Christian apocalypse apart from all the others is the aspect of the Rapture -- that is, when Jesus returns to Earth to escourt all the Christians to Heaven without having to die first. there is some dispute about when during the Tribulation this will occur; the "Left Behind" films suggest pre-Trib. rapture, while others side with post-Trib. mid-Trib is also a choice, but it's too inexact to talk about. personally, i'm hoping for mid- to post-Trib, to get some of the disaster fallout action (not upto me, of course, but a girl can hope).





i hope you enjoyed this entery, and hope the educational elements have not turned you off to the rest of Post-Apocalyptic February -- it gets more fun, but just felt needed to address this before i did anything.

happy P-A feb, everybody! embrace the fallout...