quick announcement: FANTASTIC EVENT TO OCCUR ON THE RANDOM TURTLE IN FEBRUARY!!!

ah, February. month of black history, romance, and mass suicide, the latter two of which can be attributed to the same dark reason.... (ba-ba-ba-bummm....) Valentein's Day!

any long-time reader of The Random Turtle knows my bleak outlook on commercial hollidays in general, and Valentein's Day in particular. i'm not being shrewish due to personal reasons (in fact, i am sure that, should the phenomenon of myself being mated up occur, i would still hold dark grudges against this holliday), nor is it due to commercial brainwashing on all who would listen to Media's fould reasoning ("you are nothing if you are with no one... your romantic relationship defines you and nothing else will do... friendship, spiritual relationship, and relationship to you inner-psyche should only come after you have the perfect romance... you're ugly and pathetic, here's some chocolate... it's a shame you have to kill yourself now, but it really is for the best...").

my deepest reason for despising this holliday is the movies that are released around this period of time: poorly-excecuted chick flicks with recycled plots, which, after so many, are incredibly tiring and i care not to go on; or poorly-excecuted horror flicks with recycled digital tricks and not enough real to them, so that, at this point, they are neither scary nor shocking, just gross and slightly disturbing -- and besides, horror really is more Lord Semaj's genre than mine.

this got me thinking about what genre i preferred over either of those, the one genre i always get very excited about when i see a new film or book has been released, that i can't seem to stop talking/thinking/daydreaming about; pretty much the only genre i personally identify with my own twisted romance ideal:

THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND!!!

so, for the month of February, instead of condemning Valentein's Day as is my yearly tradition, and en lieu of going on yet another rant against the brainwashing powers Media has been given by the public, i shall make February Post-Apocalyptic Month!!!

just wait. it's gonna be good.

FRANKI'S FAVORITE FILMS film 2: Labyrinth

so, what do you get when you take Jim Hensen (creator of the muppets), Mr. Froud, a young Jennifer Connelly, George Lucas (whose name had better be known to the readers of this blog!), David Bowie, and a beautiful white barn owl, add a touch of M. C. Escher, toss it into the 80's and stir it all up?

Labyrinth!!! of course...

looking into my crystal ball, i see imminent spoilers!!! (seriously, it was made in 1986, so if you haven't seen it by now...)

Labyrinth is a story about an angsty teenaged girl who seems desperate to hold onto her dwindling childhood (which is fine with me, but don't be surprised when no one will treat you like an andult!) who wishes her little brother, Toby (who, incidentally, is played by Toby Froud, the creative director's one-year-old son) to be stolen away by Jareth, the Goblin King (who bears a striking resemblance to David Bowie in an awesome mullet wig and tight-tight pants!) who, according to Sara's own fairy tale, is hopelessly in love with her (though, why, no one can seem to figure out...). and, just to outdo myself, i'll add another "who." who.

naturally, Sarah realizes her mistake and decides she wants her brother back, stripey bum and all, so Jareth strikes a deal: if she can make it through the labyrinth, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, fighting her way to his castle beyond the Goblin City, she can then TRY to take back the child. oh, and she has 13 hours to do this in (i seriously want the clock hanging in Jareth's throne room, with it's bronze bits and ginormous cogs, that strikes thirteen at midnight...).

going through the labyrinth, Sarah meets up with many strange and unusual characters, including but not limited to Hoggle, a half-goblin-half-troll who is a bit of a greedy coward (who arcs into a good friend and better person by the end of the movie), Ludo, a tall, hairy beast with a connection to the rocks and a heart of gold, and Sir Diddymus, a half-dog-half-fox ex-soldior in easy retirement, guarding the bridge to the Bog of Eternal Stench (neither of whom have much of an arc, but are good characters nonetheless). she runs into a bunch of bad luck, like having all the marks she made to keep herself from going in circles being tampered with, having to solve riddles and fail, even when she gets the answer right, getting stuck in an Oubliette (awesome word meaning "dungeon lacking in doors"), being chased down Indiana-Jones style by a great, metal contraption known as the Cleaner, almost getting her head ripped off by Fireys, and being trapped in a bubbled masquerade and forced to look awesome and dance with a rock-star villain with tight-tight pants (seriously, she considered that BAD luck, and broke out of there...).

but, by far, my favorite part is at the near-end: Sarah, after having fought her way into the castle beyond the Goblin City, finds herself alone in the Escher room (better known as the Room of Stairs, where they go every which way, and gravity is dependant on which flight you're on) with Jareth and Toby (who by now is almost a full Goblin; he can manipulate the stairs with the same ease as Jareth himself). this is my favorite scene for several reasons:

1. the visual tricks -- while the way they were done may seem simple to us now, it would've been visually stunning back in "the day". and, unlike today's Digital Age, where the whipe from real to CG (which removes the audience from the story) is clumsey and under-thought, and extreamily expensive to do so, the visual tricks in the Escher scene of Labyrinth were simple and somewhat less expensive to accomplish (camera tilt, maniquin doubles, inclined planes, film dropping -- easy enough, but well-done), as well as REAL, which gives a sense of immediacy and doesn't let the audience fall away from the story, as the obviousness of digital graphics tend to do.

2. the music -- my favorite song in the film; synthesizer (guiltily admit, love the synthasizer) but with a bit of an ominous beat, and the lyrics completely sum up Jareth's internal struggle as a character (the villain who goes down the wrong path to accomplish what is, ultimately, an admirable goal; that is, try to get someone to fall in love with you).

3. the subject-matter -- i love Escher. he's my favorite artist, and the room of stairs is one of my favorite works of his (am surprised one of my other ones, the self-portrait as reflected in a glass ball, didn't make a referance in the movie, what with Jareth's crystal balls). one day, i want to build a room of stairs from magnetic metal, take it into space, where ther is no gravity, invent electrmagnetic-soled shoes, and walk around in it, on every set of stairs. that would be awesome.

of course, in the end, Sarah realizes Jareth has no power over her, and that she could've taken Toby away at any time (though, if she had, the whole film would've been for naught), just as the clock strikes 13 (but stops at 12 as she ends up in her own home) and Jareth dissolves into his alter-ego of a beautiful white barn owl, and flies out the window. classic movie stuff. she decides it's time for her to grow up a bit, puts away some of her more childish toys (however, leaving the Goblin King figurine out where we can still see it), then all the Labyrinth characters return to Sarah's bedroom for a party (which is classic Jim Henson, but not really a factor i like, it makes me cringe a bit), and we see Jareth's feathered self, still watching Sarah from afar, one last time before the credits roll.



the message of this coming-of-age movie: growing up is dizzying process (unless, like me, you were always perpetually 45 or 7, depending on the day), almost like a maze, but it's the friends we make along the journey that makes it all worthwhile. that, and people don't always have as much power over us as we (or they) think they do.

i love this movie, the sorta steampunk fairy tale images, and (i have to admit) the music, and, really, who could help but love David Bowie? especially in a cape. capes make me happy.

Labyrinth is a wonderful movie, despite the bratty compulsions of the main heroine, and is yet another, i have found, where i prefer the villain to the heroes.

i leave you, at last, with the lyrics to the final song in the movie, in the Escher room:

how you've turned my world

you precious thing

you starve and near-exhaust me

everything i've done, i've done for you

i move the starst for no one

you've run so long

you've run so far

your eyes can be so cruel

just as i can be so cruel

though i do believe in you

yes, i do

live without your sunlight

love without your heartbeat

i, i can't live within you...

serious question; request response

sorry for recent silence -- not much time on hands from college. on that note, following is a very serious question, one to which i am clueless to answer, except for a few suggestions.

i have no friggin' idea what to do with my life. i have only one year left to wishy-washy it over, then the beaurocrats of higher education will demand an answer.

only ideas i have:

1. teacher -- this is what i have told people several months ago that i would do, but certain things have come to mind to squash that thought: arts education is getting to be less and less of a priority these days, and, were i forced to teach subjects that a) i care not for (math, grammar) or b) i cannot fully support (history, which is a series of lies agreed upon, or science, most of which, while intriguing, is yet theoretical, and passing it as absolute truth seems like another lie agreed upon), my zeal for the position would be veritably squashed. besides that, no matter what subject i would teach, children are cruel, and i wish not to subject myself to their evil ridicule.

2. psychologist (not psychiatrist: i prefer not to perscribe medicine) -- i must admit, with the giddy joy i get every time i find an old psychology textbook to add to my collection, that i find the way people's minds work fascinating, though i don't know what good i can do to help others with their problems; i've always been horrible at comforting people when they're down. often, i just make it worse...

3. professional artist -- starving artist, more like. artists don't make a lot of money, and often hold multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Picasso was the only major artist to become rich in his own time, and he was a literal prodegy. would be nice to be him, but i fear i'd be more a tragic van Gogh.

4. film animation artist/creative director/whatever else i could possibly do on a movie set -- huge movie buff, and, if i were to work on some of them, maybe i can help them to not suck. coolest thing i can think of doing, become a regular attatchment to Tim Burton's film teams. that would rock, but i don't think there are any applications out for that sorta thing...

there are a lot of things i WANT to do, and even more things that i would be better suited for doing, but when it comes to what i end up really working toward, i am absolutely clueless.

....any suggestions?

12 things to do in '11

dearest apologies, loyal readers, for my long silence. kinda out of it, and so today's entery will probably be quite awkward as a direct result. shall try harder not to wait so long in the future.

so, today i'm gonna just make a simple list: 12 things i really want to do in 2011. try to do one every month, not necissarily in the order written, then report on it. ta! simple, yeah? 'kay, here ya go.
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1. go hiking on the Ridge -- haven't been up there since i was ten years old.
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2. convince someone else, maybe more people, to go with me to a Rocky Horror midnight rave -- you know what happens as these things? people yell sarcastic comments at the screen, throw things at other audience members, show up in costume... finally! an even that not only condones, but actually encourages my NORMAL film-watching behavior! (i won't force my travel companions into a costume -- as long as they don't begroan me wearing my own!)
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3. get a job.
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4. become famous for one whole night.
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5. finish writing a novel.
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6. really scare someone.
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7. spend a day pretending i'm pregnant.
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8. go to wal mart, buy a strange combination of objects to creep out the checkout person.
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9. spend an entire day without emotions.
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10. claim my own country and declare my independance.
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11. learn to juggle.
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12. make a real difference in one person's life.
...
...
some of my loyal readers may wish to help me in some of these endevors. if not, who needs ya! (i do, or my blog would go on completely unread). so, what do you want to do?