"DreamWorks" computer-graphic films -- WHAT the HE**!

okay, anyone who has paid any ammount of close attention to my favorite films (at least the recent ones...) knows that i vastly prefer DreamWorks to that horrid collaboration of Disney/Pixar (idea-stealing, cheeting, too-friggin'-predictable hacks!!).

DreamWorks studios, established 1994, has always been the major producer of "children's" movies that the whole family can enjoy -- they do this by slipping some cultural references and sexual innuendos beneath the pollished computer graphics that kids just overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes.... but with every film, they work harder and harder to keep the adults and teenagers interested (that includes sexual innuendos and cultural references that most kids overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes, and increasing use of curse words).

so, here's my DreamWorks CG film list:

ANTZ (1998)-- the story of, well, a bunch of ants, specifically one guy who wants to get away from the unavoidable social structure of ant world, and a princess who wants more from life than giving birth every three seconds every day until she dies. worst thing in there: a few sexual inuendos, and the phrase "come hell or high water". that's about it. (idea to ANTZ stolen by Pixar to make "A Bug's Life")

"Shrek" (2001) -- story of an ogre who secretly hates being an outcast, a donkey that won't shut up but who ya can't help but love, and a princess who is anything but your typical girl, who i kinda looked up to after seeing her on the big screen at age 9. worst parts: lots of sexual inuendos, a few cultural referances, and the use of the song, "bad reputation" in a fight scene. (Pixar'd decided not to steal this idea -- a decision i'm sure they're kicking themselves over, now!)

"Shrek 2" (2004) -- continuation of "Shrek," after the ogre and the princess got married, and the donkey and the dragon got together, they all go the Far Far Away to perform a screwed-up fairytale "meet the parents" scenario in a fairly hillarious sort of way, introducing Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots (who will have his own movie in 2012... we'll see how that goes...). worst parts: some sexual innuendo, tons of cultural referances, and there were a couple parts where Fairy Godmother had a bit of a foul mouth on her tiny self. (apparantly, Pixar assumed that they couldn't possibly succeed with that messed-up fairytale idea twice... haha! losers!)

"Shark Tale" (2004)-- story of a fish seemingly down on his luck who teams up with a vegetarian shark to make his big brake, and get an Angelina Joile fish girlfriend, leaving the Renee` Zellwegger fish in the watery dust. biggest things here: no cursing, minimal sexual innuendo (only inasmuch as to describe the relationship with the two girl fish and Oscar), loads of cultural references. (Pixar decided not to screw up three times, and took this idea to do "Finding Nemo", which turned out to be a bigger success than "Shark Tale," unfortunately)

"Madagascar" (2005)-- story of a bunch of zoo animals who find themselves kicked out of New York and sent to the real wild, and the lion starts craving friends... his friends... for dinner... No sexual innuendo, only a few cultural references to establish that they're New York animals, and language stops at a few puns and play-on-words. (Pixar stole this storyline almost exactly in "the Wild")

"Over the hedge" (2006) -- about a bunch of woodland animals who emerge from hybernation to find that a suburb had been built in the middle of their forest while they slept, and a raccoon teaches them how to steal human food. yeah, that's it. as for the big things in this movie: there are none. it is very much a kids' movie... and it sucked. (Pixar did not steal this idea, which, unfortunately, was smart thinking on their part, 'cause this one sucked.)

"Shrek the Third" (2007)-- more continuation of the ogre, princess, princess' parents, donkey, dragon, and puss in a boring recollection of how Shrek doesn't want to be a king, a father, or anyone with a real backbone, as he is always whining and fretting. they also changed his design, so that, if you look closely, he's gotten more "handsome" since the first movie: his cheek bones are higher, his eyes are lighter, and he has better teeth. that, and he'd lost a lot of weight over the, what, two weeks since the last movie ended? big things: couple sexual innuendos, few cultural references in relation to high school (a topic that has just been done to death), and a bit of mild language here and there. (after so much dawdelling in the fairy-tale department of Pixar, they just gave up here)

"Bee Movie" (2007)-- about a bee who wants to leave the hive, and when he does, he falls in love with a human girl who saved his life, sues humankind for stealing honey, and majorly screws up the entire ecosystem as a result, and has to fix it by stealing a rose parade float and embracing his inner-bee. that's the movie. (what is the deal with DreamWorks making such assy movies in this time period? bad management?) biggest things: couple innuendos, few cultural references, language maybe once, kinda preachy on "respecting all life"... duh.

"Kung Fu Panda" (2008)-- a panda joins a team and does kung fu the way fat guys do, and eventually gets accepted by his peers. i know a lot of people like this movie, but if it weren't for Jack Black as Po, i probably wouldn't have watched it at all; kung fu movies aren't really my thing. big things: i'm sure theres a few innuendos, though can't recall any cultural references or language -- still appealing more to the kids than adults -- but good animation design; better than it has been.

"Madigascar: Escape 2 Africa" (2008)-- more on the zoo animals in the wild, the lion finds his parents, the zebra finds his brethren, the girraffe finds his calling, and the hippo finds her soul mate in the girraffe (sweetness). the penguins are increasingly psychotic and slightly homicidal (had to be very tamed down for the weekly series which aired on Nickelodian that same year). big things (besides the homicidal penguins): bit more laxed in the language, a few sexual innuendos, almost no cultural references.

"Monsters v. Aliens" (2009)-- a girl grows to be 50 feet tall on her wedding day so her shallow man-whore can deny her, she is kidnapped and taken to a top secret facility where they keep the monsters, and, after a series of strange events, she learns to lover herself as she is -- taller than a mountain. not bad, in terms of entertainment. Hugh Laurie voices for Dr. Cockroach. big stuff: few sexual innuendos, not many cultural referances, lots of language (or suggestion of language).

"How to Train your Dragon" (2010)-- a geeky viking boy finds a dragon, befriends it, trians it, and uses his new knowledge to become popular and get the viking girl. ta-da! not as boring as i just made it sound just now... acutally pretty good. Gerard Butler voices for the guy's giant viking father. big stuff: i can only think of one sexual innuendo, no cultural references except maybe a little bit to high school (but they're digging themselves out of a boring film funk, so i can forgive that), a little more suggestion of language than in the last one.

"Shrek Forever After" (2010)-- CRAP!!! ah, DreamWorks, you were doing so good building yourself back up, then you releas THIS!!! ok, where do i begin.... Shrek is a class-A whimp. Fiona, while the powerful woman i always admire, came off as the emotionally-repressed, yet extreamily angry person that kinda gives of a lesbien vibe that, after my experiences with rumors, i don't feel comfortable relating too much to her new character. Puss is a fat kitty, donkey's just weird and i wanna smack him, dragon is evil, and to top it all off, there's Rumplestiltskin running the show with the most annoying voice in existance. big stuff: lots of sexual innuend0, very little cultural reference, and a bit of outright language, no suggestion about it.

"Megamind" (2010)-- okay, they rebounded well here. of course i like this movie. bad guy wins, creates new good guy to have a purpose, screws up, must become good guy himself, gets girl... ta! bit of sexual innuendo here and there, cultural reference limited to comic book culture, and occasional language. (Pixar seemed to remember at the last minute, hey these guys used to have really good ideas! lets take this one! and they made "Despicable Me". cute, a bit predictable, but i admit, i find it hard to hate any movie from a supervillain's point of view)

"Rango" (2011)-- kind of boring on the surface, as i went in expecting another somewhat kid-oriented film (hello! talking lizards! western movie setting!), but it was a lot more in-depth than a lot of their films, and and philosophy played a big role in the plot. true, Johnny Depp did do the voice of Rango, and he usually picks some good roles, so i decided, ok lets do this thing. ya really have to pay attention to the twists and turns in the story to get it all, though. and, i won't give anything away here, but the dream sequences looked like they were inspired by Salvadore Dhali's surrealist pictures. big stuff: mild sexual innuendo, culteral references to theater, western as a film genre, and some suggestion of alcahol ('cause it's a western...). as for language: all-friggin-out! tons of uses of "hell," "damn," "son of a *squck*" and the occasional "shit." wow, DreamWorks... you under new management, or something? is this the kind of films we can expect from future works? i kinda hope that, if it does reflect future works, they are a bit more interesting between plot developments, and don't start quite as slow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs88zTvplus this is a "Bum Review" of "Rango" if you are interested.

ok, that's my rant for now! bye! go watch some movies!