my appologies, loyal readers, for my long-endured absence. trouble with the internet bill. like, how to pay it.
so, starting this week (tomorrow, june 18th, 2010, if all goes well) i shall take a short respite from the random turtle to concentrate on my small blog project. please stay tuned in to my affairs, however, for if i find extra time on my hands (comes and goes), you shall hear more on the random turtle.
thank you, dear, love-er-ly, loyal readers of me. i crave your patience and titilation.
danke.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
quick announcement
stay tuned, folks!
coming soon!
a second, limited-time blog from our own Franki K!
entitled: LABRATZ-R-WE
where she will test the truth and overall personal work-ability of different home-remidy self-help sites..... do they really work? how far-fetched are they? and will they even be in the running for the greatly desired weird-o-rama award, or do they belong in the armpit of despair?
find out! check out the blog! for a limited time only! coming soon! collect all eight!
coming soon!
a second, limited-time blog from our own Franki K!
entitled: LABRATZ-R-WE
where she will test the truth and overall personal work-ability of different home-remidy self-help sites..... do they really work? how far-fetched are they? and will they even be in the running for the greatly desired weird-o-rama award, or do they belong in the armpit of despair?
find out! check out the blog! for a limited time only! coming soon! collect all eight!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
THE PROUD RECIPIENT OF THE JACK SQUAT SCOLARSHIP!!
about this time every year, high schools accross the country celebrate graduation, the emerging of a student into a new world, filled with new wonders and responsibilities, exploring new life and new civilizations, as they boldly go into a region of space known as "adulthood."
from here, it is socially acceptable, and prompted, for said students to continue thier education in college. the ones who do must either be rich, or lucky enough to get at least one scholarship, if not many to just barely make ends meet.
as one of these non-rich aspiring college students, i filled out application after application, poured out my heart and soul in the cheesiest forms imaginable, as is acceptable to whatever board looks them over and makes the final descisions, decides my fate.
then i held my breath for a year, until the year-end "awards banquet," where all the scholarships are presented to their recipients. such a stuffy event. bad food. crowded. starchy people. too many balding, upper-middle-class twits for my taste. besides that, my body was having an adverse effect to the wheather, which meant i was hoarding the table-mints to settle my stomach.
i understand that my high school was an oasis of equality compared to others in the country, not at all like the idiotic shows on tv ("seceret life of the american teenager" at the top of the list of idiocy), and that this is a small town, where every local establishment has a family name on the sign. quaint place, really, if a little redneck and really sexually repressed.
BUT ALL THOSE STUPID SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAMS WERE RIGGED!!!!!
yeah, sure, the kids that got them worked hard, were immersed in their community, and behaved like perfect angels when people were watching, but the same ten kids, out of a much bigger class, soaked them ALL up. yes, they were good athletes, or really smart, or (most often) related to the right people. but that little part in the "requirements" paragraph about "financial need" -- i'll say it again: FINANCIAL NEED -- must've been an old addition that had not yet been removed, because most of the final ten were RICH kids, that wouldn't NEED a scholarship to put themselves through HARVARD!! and here I am, going to a community college, practically begging for spare change just to get CLASSES, no idea how i'm going to pay for gas to GET there and back, and here's miss preppy-pants, and mister sportsmaster, neither deigning to drive a car old enough to be potty trained, and having uncles, grandparents, family friends (all on the scholarship committe, of course) THRUSTING even MORE money at them as a barely-inconspicuous "favor," (no prep got less than ten of their own scholarships) so if they weren't ALREADY set for life, they certainly are NOW!
and even worse than the pity i felt for myself, was that for the other ninety-percent graduating class that got zilch, just like me, that were just as, if not more quallified as the rich kids that got noticed. one boy, probably the smartest, most quirky, most shy guy i know, who's had a suckish childhood, and had been forced to grow up faster than any kid should, when his name was called at the very end in the Looser Lineup (also the only place mine was), was not only offered no scholarship, his only legacy was that, despite all the crap he'd had to deal with in his entire life, he'd gotten the 4-year perfect attendance award. that's it. a slip of liney printer-paper with a cheesey clip art version of the school mascot on it, and his picture in the paper. that's not going to help his situation in the least. no money, no references, nothing.
jack squat.
and so, in conclusion, i would like to say that it was because of the personal injustice done to me (i'm self-absorbed, as you already know if you had read previous enteries) that spurred this descision. but it's not. it's because of the great injustice done to that boy. while i grew up with him, i didn't know him too well. i wish i had. but i know enough about him to know that he is now el-screwed-o. no college for him. he wouldn't be able to afford it. he'll have to skip straight to the work-force just to make ends meet. his entire future is ruined because some old men with checkbooks chose favorites without really consulting the details.
it is because of him that i have decided that, in four to six years (when i gratuate college with the help of my chorus half-ride), i'm going to return to my hometown every year, around graduation time, and present the Jack Squat Schollarship after the awards banquet, to the student who desserves the most, and recieved the shaft. it will be a numerically-based system (using numbers instead of names) so that it would be impossible to "pick favorites" outside of the presented application perameters. i shall save up money all throughout college, ask for donations, and start a foundation in the end, so i can do more good than the small-town favoritizers have done to that poor boy in my graduating class.
this is my way of fighting the establishment where it really matters. i could protest, or i could fight fire with fire, money with money, and maybe i can strike a chord with the financial world, get on the news and make them all look bad in a way that forward-thinking students will boycot donating to the foundations that support favoritizers. maybe, in the end, i can change the way scholarships are won: with character, rather than person.
wouldn't you donate?
from here, it is socially acceptable, and prompted, for said students to continue thier education in college. the ones who do must either be rich, or lucky enough to get at least one scholarship, if not many to just barely make ends meet.
as one of these non-rich aspiring college students, i filled out application after application, poured out my heart and soul in the cheesiest forms imaginable, as is acceptable to whatever board looks them over and makes the final descisions, decides my fate.
then i held my breath for a year, until the year-end "awards banquet," where all the scholarships are presented to their recipients. such a stuffy event. bad food. crowded. starchy people. too many balding, upper-middle-class twits for my taste. besides that, my body was having an adverse effect to the wheather, which meant i was hoarding the table-mints to settle my stomach.
i understand that my high school was an oasis of equality compared to others in the country, not at all like the idiotic shows on tv ("seceret life of the american teenager" at the top of the list of idiocy), and that this is a small town, where every local establishment has a family name on the sign. quaint place, really, if a little redneck and really sexually repressed.
BUT ALL THOSE STUPID SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAMS WERE RIGGED!!!!!
yeah, sure, the kids that got them worked hard, were immersed in their community, and behaved like perfect angels when people were watching, but the same ten kids, out of a much bigger class, soaked them ALL up. yes, they were good athletes, or really smart, or (most often) related to the right people. but that little part in the "requirements" paragraph about "financial need" -- i'll say it again: FINANCIAL NEED -- must've been an old addition that had not yet been removed, because most of the final ten were RICH kids, that wouldn't NEED a scholarship to put themselves through HARVARD!! and here I am, going to a community college, practically begging for spare change just to get CLASSES, no idea how i'm going to pay for gas to GET there and back, and here's miss preppy-pants, and mister sportsmaster, neither deigning to drive a car old enough to be potty trained, and having uncles, grandparents, family friends (all on the scholarship committe, of course) THRUSTING even MORE money at them as a barely-inconspicuous "favor," (no prep got less than ten of their own scholarships) so if they weren't ALREADY set for life, they certainly are NOW!
and even worse than the pity i felt for myself, was that for the other ninety-percent graduating class that got zilch, just like me, that were just as, if not more quallified as the rich kids that got noticed. one boy, probably the smartest, most quirky, most shy guy i know, who's had a suckish childhood, and had been forced to grow up faster than any kid should, when his name was called at the very end in the Looser Lineup (also the only place mine was), was not only offered no scholarship, his only legacy was that, despite all the crap he'd had to deal with in his entire life, he'd gotten the 4-year perfect attendance award. that's it. a slip of liney printer-paper with a cheesey clip art version of the school mascot on it, and his picture in the paper. that's not going to help his situation in the least. no money, no references, nothing.
jack squat.
and so, in conclusion, i would like to say that it was because of the personal injustice done to me (i'm self-absorbed, as you already know if you had read previous enteries) that spurred this descision. but it's not. it's because of the great injustice done to that boy. while i grew up with him, i didn't know him too well. i wish i had. but i know enough about him to know that he is now el-screwed-o. no college for him. he wouldn't be able to afford it. he'll have to skip straight to the work-force just to make ends meet. his entire future is ruined because some old men with checkbooks chose favorites without really consulting the details.
it is because of him that i have decided that, in four to six years (when i gratuate college with the help of my chorus half-ride), i'm going to return to my hometown every year, around graduation time, and present the Jack Squat Schollarship after the awards banquet, to the student who desserves the most, and recieved the shaft. it will be a numerically-based system (using numbers instead of names) so that it would be impossible to "pick favorites" outside of the presented application perameters. i shall save up money all throughout college, ask for donations, and start a foundation in the end, so i can do more good than the small-town favoritizers have done to that poor boy in my graduating class.
this is my way of fighting the establishment where it really matters. i could protest, or i could fight fire with fire, money with money, and maybe i can strike a chord with the financial world, get on the news and make them all look bad in a way that forward-thinking students will boycot donating to the foundations that support favoritizers. maybe, in the end, i can change the way scholarships are won: with character, rather than person.
wouldn't you donate?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
these are a few of my favorite things
just a list of average little things that, when i really consider them, make me appreciate life more.
swivvly wheelie chairs. office chairs, computer chairs. makes relaxing on your rump a fun activity!
seseme seed buns. vastly superior to regular hamburger buns. only way it can be made better: with an actual hamburger in it. with barbecue sauce and lettuce and tomato and at least two different cheeses. and one of those fancy fuzzy toothpicks to keep it all together.
clicky pens. pens with caps are boring, and pens that twist open are too fancy, stuffy, and pompus. clicky pens are quirky, and musical. very much more fun.
carnival corn dogs. i look forward to the carnival coming to town every year, if for no other reason than the corn dogs. you can't get corn dogs like that from the freezer section in the supermarket. these are saussages in corn meal batter, that tastes a bit like gritz, on a huge flippin' kabob stick, suspended in a portable vat of grease. horrible for you, but sweet, sweet oral love to your taste buds.
the family tools. i have boxes upon baskets upon pegboards of old, musty, wrought-iron obsolete tools oozing stories of the past. most of them i don't even know what they are or what they're for. twisted bits meet uneven chunks to make century-old modern art pieces. then there's that railroad spike. i love that thing.
coloring books. the very first art i've ever been subjected to. my very first coloring book (when mama could afford more than just paper plates and pilfered resteraunt crayons) amazed me to no end. the idea that i could take a picture and make it any color i wanted seemed to me the most awsome thing anyone could ever do. after all, pictures came from the store, not crayons and markers. even to this day, the multitude of possibilities behind the covers of coloring books makes me happy on the inside.
the brittish broadcasting channel. o! the unending dry humor! this is the reason i unknowingly slip into random european accents halfway through a sentance as the mood strikes. english when i'm haughtily pissed off. irish when i'm confused or bored. and, on the quite rare occasion, a tad scottish when (at the risk of sounding like i'm loaded down with cheese) romantic.
well, i can't really think of anything else, right now. but i'll leave you with this question:
what completely ordinary thing helps you to appreciate your life more?
swivvly wheelie chairs. office chairs, computer chairs. makes relaxing on your rump a fun activity!
seseme seed buns. vastly superior to regular hamburger buns. only way it can be made better: with an actual hamburger in it. with barbecue sauce and lettuce and tomato and at least two different cheeses. and one of those fancy fuzzy toothpicks to keep it all together.
clicky pens. pens with caps are boring, and pens that twist open are too fancy, stuffy, and pompus. clicky pens are quirky, and musical. very much more fun.
carnival corn dogs. i look forward to the carnival coming to town every year, if for no other reason than the corn dogs. you can't get corn dogs like that from the freezer section in the supermarket. these are saussages in corn meal batter, that tastes a bit like gritz, on a huge flippin' kabob stick, suspended in a portable vat of grease. horrible for you, but sweet, sweet oral love to your taste buds.
the family tools. i have boxes upon baskets upon pegboards of old, musty, wrought-iron obsolete tools oozing stories of the past. most of them i don't even know what they are or what they're for. twisted bits meet uneven chunks to make century-old modern art pieces. then there's that railroad spike. i love that thing.
coloring books. the very first art i've ever been subjected to. my very first coloring book (when mama could afford more than just paper plates and pilfered resteraunt crayons) amazed me to no end. the idea that i could take a picture and make it any color i wanted seemed to me the most awsome thing anyone could ever do. after all, pictures came from the store, not crayons and markers. even to this day, the multitude of possibilities behind the covers of coloring books makes me happy on the inside.
the brittish broadcasting channel. o! the unending dry humor! this is the reason i unknowingly slip into random european accents halfway through a sentance as the mood strikes. english when i'm haughtily pissed off. irish when i'm confused or bored. and, on the quite rare occasion, a tad scottish when (at the risk of sounding like i'm loaded down with cheese) romantic.
well, i can't really think of anything else, right now. but i'll leave you with this question:
what completely ordinary thing helps you to appreciate your life more?
Monday, May 24, 2010
THE LAUGH: a poem
this poem basically sums up my entire senior year, and how i've been spending my time just having a laugh with my two best friends.
THE LAUGH
sitting together, making no sound
we could all use a laugh
~
huddled together, backs to the world
we all need a laugh
~
all around us, silence grows
boredom and anger besides
you're pissed off
he plays with a piece of string
i fight to open my eyes
we all need a laugh
~
as if a silent agreement passes
we sit at attention and wait
pondering, resolute
we desperately need a laugh
~
it starts off slow
someone says something mundane
a moment passes; someone says the same
we all start to laugh
~
it continues to build
a smile, a chuckle, a giggle, a snort
the dam gives way
and all hillarity breaks loose
to compose our beautiful laugh
~
you're ghasping for breath
he seems to have swallowed a goose
i am a great explosion which reaps the same:
a great, shining laugh
~
i snort when i giggle
you giggle when i snort
he honks when you chuckle
chuckle induces snort
laughter feeds laughter
and time floats away
all that remains is the laugh
~
cold, awkward stares beat our backs
but our faces are too warm to care
you're a crying asian man
pants full of starfish
while his mouth seems as though
it could ingest the moon
i can't see me, but i know i'm red,
spontaneously combusting in my seat
our own world fortified
we can't see beyond humor
empty room, now alone
only helps to streingthen the laugh.
~
but, alas, humor wears off
all too very soon
minds return to time
faces regain their shapes
the haphazard music of laughter
reaches its final phrase
spastic throats passing now
only air
we've all had our laugh
~
realizations all met at once
no one will speak the phrase
eyes search eyes
memory searches mind
but only recover gaze for clueless gaze
no one knows
we don't understand
what it was, exactly
that first made us laugh?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
childhood crush wall
so while other girls idolized "prince charming" or mr. rogers or any other "nice" male figure in their lives, i had cable. cable brought me these romantic figures. (maybe this will help explain me to you.)
here we have frankenstein's monster (not frankenstein, himself; he aws a weak, mad, selfish little man, and it ticks me off when people give the creature the same name). why did i find him so attractive as a child? well, he's completely opposite his appearances. in the movies, he's a sweet, "special", child-like man with a thing for flowers. in the book, he's thoroughly intelligent, has a temper, but also the conscience to second-guess his fury. he's a beautiful character.
i give you nosferatu. in a world of "handsome" vampires from bela lugosi to whats-his-face from "twilight", this guy is the nerd-geek of the vampire world. his little bald head, buck-fangs, and rat claws all really left me no choice. the awkwardness he exhibits towords humans shows he has more humanity and emotions than any other vampire. and i'm not a vampire-lover, by any means, but any troubled soul (even thoes without) catches my attention.
mr. spock, of the starship enteprise. the most minor of minorities: the crossover of two species, human and vulcan, emotionless for the most part, but currious the rest of the way, and he is beautiful. look at him! he has so much to learn, here. so smart, yet so clueless. and people seem to think it's absolutely scandellous for him to have any type of romantic relationship (even though captain kirk, his equal and friend, made intergalactic love with any female species he happens to meet...)
the wolf man, lawrence talbot. the man cursed with being a werewolf on the full moon. not so much caring about his human half, but his wolf bits. why do i love werewolves so much? probably that whole "torturtured soul" thing. well, that and muscles and hair. lotsa hair.
original series from the 60s 
jerry bruckheimer movies, more recent.
lurch, silently-groaning butler of the addams family. reminiscent of frankenstein's monster (see above), but with a different twist: while the creature (above) was searching for a path in life, lurch not only has a desired path, but also a steady, paying job, a place to live, and is the godfather of wednesday and pugsley, which is almost like having his own family -- barring a lady-type friend. which is too bad, 'cause he'd a good looking guy. well, you know, by my standards. i have a thing for the tall, pale, and sullen. the strong, silent types you see. every time i hear "uuuuhh-uh-uh-uh," my cheeks get hot.
well, i guess that's all. these are the men i've spent my childhood pining over, and who have ruined "normal" guys for me. i call for extraordinary (or extraworldly, extraterrestrial, extra-odd, or containing a few extra parts... though i take whatever i can get.)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
kids today. oy.
i know it's commonly a generation much older than my own that complain about "kids today." but, as an outside observer, i can also place this judgment, but with more understanding of my own generation -- i am the link between people my age, and the rest of idiocy.
all people, each generation is full of idiots in their own right, just for different reasons. if "kids today" were idiots for the same reasons as previous generations, there wouldn't be any "kids today" talk to speak of.
but, let me shed some light on why "kids today" today are idiots: because the "kids today" of yesterday were idiots, too. that could be broken down into so, so, so many different supports, paragraphs, and quite a rant. but i'm going to foccus on one thing, today:
the phrase uttered by the "kids today" of yesterday, "i would never do this to my kid."
lack of punishment, is essentially what i'm talking about. the "kids today" of yesterday were just so touchy about punishment and what they saw as "justice," that they allowed the "kids today" of today to become whimpy, soft-skinned bullies that do whatever crap they want, because there'll be no real reprocussions to take them down after the deed is done.
i'm talking spankage. none of this "time-out" crap. sure, it may work on some kids (mind you, i was a dang good kid, polite to everyone, if a tad odd, but i never needed to get spanked but a few times in my life), but they are the exceptions to the rule. the results of a hundred "time-outs" in the corner, sent to their room with a t.v., stereo, iPod, computer, and whatever else, could never even come close to the results from a few whacks to the bum.
this doesn't mean "go ahead, smack your kids around, no matter their crime," that's just child abuse (as much as that phrase gets thrown around, these days). yeah, you gotta use a little discretion to discern what's spank-worthy, and what the kid can learn from just talking to them like humans -- equals, even (that's how i turned out so well, i think; mama never "baby-talked" me, didn't patronize me, and spoke to me like my opions and ideas counted).
but, for goodness' sake! don't reward idiocy! don't offer ultimatums! don't try to be the "good guy" and strike a deal! all these things put the kid in power over you! they are the evil masterminds, and you're left the hunchbacked little "yes-master" minions who tend to follow any given subtle order. don't treat them like idiots, but do not allow them to do the same to you.
it is my personal opinion that punnishments should be allowed to be carried out in schools. not lock-you-in-the-bathroom-till-you-write-with-the-write-hand-and-start-your-zeros-from-the-top bad, just enough that, when someone calls the teacher a bitch , said teacher can actually do something about it.
they had coporal punnishment as late as the 1940's. at that time, kids stayed kids for longer, and there was fewer idiocy in the world. sure, it was a simpler time, but it's not like people then were any less stupid than they are now. they were just more well-behaved. why? because it was instilled in their mind at an early age that stupid actions have harsh consequences. likewise, the "kids today" of today have had it in their heads since they could first think that, no matter wha they do, there's no real consequences for their stupidity. because they're idiot parents, and their idiot government is intent on seeing that they all grow up idiots.
so, i guess, to close, here's my point: kids today are idiots, but no more idiotic than their parents were idiots as kids, or their parents, and so forth; they're just handled differently, so that it almost screws up the entire race. congratulations, "kids today" of yesterday, you've destroyed the world for the "kids today" of tomorrow. ya happy? well, are ya, punks?
idiots.
all people, each generation is full of idiots in their own right, just for different reasons. if "kids today" were idiots for the same reasons as previous generations, there wouldn't be any "kids today" talk to speak of.
but, let me shed some light on why "kids today" today are idiots: because the "kids today" of yesterday were idiots, too. that could be broken down into so, so, so many different supports, paragraphs, and quite a rant. but i'm going to foccus on one thing, today:
the phrase uttered by the "kids today" of yesterday, "i would never do this to my kid."
lack of punishment, is essentially what i'm talking about. the "kids today" of yesterday were just so touchy about punishment and what they saw as "justice," that they allowed the "kids today" of today to become whimpy, soft-skinned bullies that do whatever crap they want, because there'll be no real reprocussions to take them down after the deed is done.
i'm talking spankage. none of this "time-out" crap. sure, it may work on some kids (mind you, i was a dang good kid, polite to everyone, if a tad odd, but i never needed to get spanked but a few times in my life), but they are the exceptions to the rule. the results of a hundred "time-outs" in the corner, sent to their room with a t.v., stereo, iPod, computer, and whatever else, could never even come close to the results from a few whacks to the bum.
this doesn't mean "go ahead, smack your kids around, no matter their crime," that's just child abuse (as much as that phrase gets thrown around, these days). yeah, you gotta use a little discretion to discern what's spank-worthy, and what the kid can learn from just talking to them like humans -- equals, even (that's how i turned out so well, i think; mama never "baby-talked" me, didn't patronize me, and spoke to me like my opions and ideas counted).
but, for goodness' sake! don't reward idiocy! don't offer ultimatums! don't try to be the "good guy" and strike a deal! all these things put the kid in power over you! they are the evil masterminds, and you're left the hunchbacked little "yes-master" minions who tend to follow any given subtle order. don't treat them like idiots, but do not allow them to do the same to you.
it is my personal opinion that punnishments should be allowed to be carried out in schools. not lock-you-in-the-bathroom-till-you-write-with-the-write-hand-and-start-your-zeros-from-the-top bad, just enough that, when someone calls the teacher a bitch , said teacher can actually do something about it.
they had coporal punnishment as late as the 1940's. at that time, kids stayed kids for longer, and there was fewer idiocy in the world. sure, it was a simpler time, but it's not like people then were any less stupid than they are now. they were just more well-behaved. why? because it was instilled in their mind at an early age that stupid actions have harsh consequences. likewise, the "kids today" of today have had it in their heads since they could first think that, no matter wha they do, there's no real consequences for their stupidity. because they're idiot parents, and their idiot government is intent on seeing that they all grow up idiots.
so, i guess, to close, here's my point: kids today are idiots, but no more idiotic than their parents were idiots as kids, or their parents, and so forth; they're just handled differently, so that it almost screws up the entire race. congratulations, "kids today" of yesterday, you've destroyed the world for the "kids today" of tomorrow. ya happy? well, are ya, punks?
idiots.
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