quick announcement: FANTASTIC EVENT TO OCCUR ON THE RANDOM TURTLE IN FEBRUARY!!!

ah, February. month of black history, romance, and mass suicide, the latter two of which can be attributed to the same dark reason.... (ba-ba-ba-bummm....) Valentein's Day!

any long-time reader of The Random Turtle knows my bleak outlook on commercial hollidays in general, and Valentein's Day in particular. i'm not being shrewish due to personal reasons (in fact, i am sure that, should the phenomenon of myself being mated up occur, i would still hold dark grudges against this holliday), nor is it due to commercial brainwashing on all who would listen to Media's fould reasoning ("you are nothing if you are with no one... your romantic relationship defines you and nothing else will do... friendship, spiritual relationship, and relationship to you inner-psyche should only come after you have the perfect romance... you're ugly and pathetic, here's some chocolate... it's a shame you have to kill yourself now, but it really is for the best...").

my deepest reason for despising this holliday is the movies that are released around this period of time: poorly-excecuted chick flicks with recycled plots, which, after so many, are incredibly tiring and i care not to go on; or poorly-excecuted horror flicks with recycled digital tricks and not enough real to them, so that, at this point, they are neither scary nor shocking, just gross and slightly disturbing -- and besides, horror really is more Lord Semaj's genre than mine.

this got me thinking about what genre i preferred over either of those, the one genre i always get very excited about when i see a new film or book has been released, that i can't seem to stop talking/thinking/daydreaming about; pretty much the only genre i personally identify with my own twisted romance ideal:

THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND!!!

so, for the month of February, instead of condemning Valentein's Day as is my yearly tradition, and en lieu of going on yet another rant against the brainwashing powers Media has been given by the public, i shall make February Post-Apocalyptic Month!!!

just wait. it's gonna be good.

FRANKI'S FAVORITE FILMS film 2: Labyrinth

so, what do you get when you take Jim Hensen (creator of the muppets), Mr. Froud, a young Jennifer Connelly, George Lucas (whose name had better be known to the readers of this blog!), David Bowie, and a beautiful white barn owl, add a touch of M. C. Escher, toss it into the 80's and stir it all up?

Labyrinth!!! of course...

looking into my crystal ball, i see imminent spoilers!!! (seriously, it was made in 1986, so if you haven't seen it by now...)

Labyrinth is a story about an angsty teenaged girl who seems desperate to hold onto her dwindling childhood (which is fine with me, but don't be surprised when no one will treat you like an andult!) who wishes her little brother, Toby (who, incidentally, is played by Toby Froud, the creative director's one-year-old son) to be stolen away by Jareth, the Goblin King (who bears a striking resemblance to David Bowie in an awesome mullet wig and tight-tight pants!) who, according to Sara's own fairy tale, is hopelessly in love with her (though, why, no one can seem to figure out...). and, just to outdo myself, i'll add another "who." who.

naturally, Sarah realizes her mistake and decides she wants her brother back, stripey bum and all, so Jareth strikes a deal: if she can make it through the labyrinth, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, fighting her way to his castle beyond the Goblin City, she can then TRY to take back the child. oh, and she has 13 hours to do this in (i seriously want the clock hanging in Jareth's throne room, with it's bronze bits and ginormous cogs, that strikes thirteen at midnight...).

going through the labyrinth, Sarah meets up with many strange and unusual characters, including but not limited to Hoggle, a half-goblin-half-troll who is a bit of a greedy coward (who arcs into a good friend and better person by the end of the movie), Ludo, a tall, hairy beast with a connection to the rocks and a heart of gold, and Sir Diddymus, a half-dog-half-fox ex-soldior in easy retirement, guarding the bridge to the Bog of Eternal Stench (neither of whom have much of an arc, but are good characters nonetheless). she runs into a bunch of bad luck, like having all the marks she made to keep herself from going in circles being tampered with, having to solve riddles and fail, even when she gets the answer right, getting stuck in an Oubliette (awesome word meaning "dungeon lacking in doors"), being chased down Indiana-Jones style by a great, metal contraption known as the Cleaner, almost getting her head ripped off by Fireys, and being trapped in a bubbled masquerade and forced to look awesome and dance with a rock-star villain with tight-tight pants (seriously, she considered that BAD luck, and broke out of there...).

but, by far, my favorite part is at the near-end: Sarah, after having fought her way into the castle beyond the Goblin City, finds herself alone in the Escher room (better known as the Room of Stairs, where they go every which way, and gravity is dependant on which flight you're on) with Jareth and Toby (who by now is almost a full Goblin; he can manipulate the stairs with the same ease as Jareth himself). this is my favorite scene for several reasons:

1. the visual tricks -- while the way they were done may seem simple to us now, it would've been visually stunning back in "the day". and, unlike today's Digital Age, where the whipe from real to CG (which removes the audience from the story) is clumsey and under-thought, and extreamily expensive to do so, the visual tricks in the Escher scene of Labyrinth were simple and somewhat less expensive to accomplish (camera tilt, maniquin doubles, inclined planes, film dropping -- easy enough, but well-done), as well as REAL, which gives a sense of immediacy and doesn't let the audience fall away from the story, as the obviousness of digital graphics tend to do.

2. the music -- my favorite song in the film; synthesizer (guiltily admit, love the synthasizer) but with a bit of an ominous beat, and the lyrics completely sum up Jareth's internal struggle as a character (the villain who goes down the wrong path to accomplish what is, ultimately, an admirable goal; that is, try to get someone to fall in love with you).

3. the subject-matter -- i love Escher. he's my favorite artist, and the room of stairs is one of my favorite works of his (am surprised one of my other ones, the self-portrait as reflected in a glass ball, didn't make a referance in the movie, what with Jareth's crystal balls). one day, i want to build a room of stairs from magnetic metal, take it into space, where ther is no gravity, invent electrmagnetic-soled shoes, and walk around in it, on every set of stairs. that would be awesome.

of course, in the end, Sarah realizes Jareth has no power over her, and that she could've taken Toby away at any time (though, if she had, the whole film would've been for naught), just as the clock strikes 13 (but stops at 12 as she ends up in her own home) and Jareth dissolves into his alter-ego of a beautiful white barn owl, and flies out the window. classic movie stuff. she decides it's time for her to grow up a bit, puts away some of her more childish toys (however, leaving the Goblin King figurine out where we can still see it), then all the Labyrinth characters return to Sarah's bedroom for a party (which is classic Jim Henson, but not really a factor i like, it makes me cringe a bit), and we see Jareth's feathered self, still watching Sarah from afar, one last time before the credits roll.



the message of this coming-of-age movie: growing up is dizzying process (unless, like me, you were always perpetually 45 or 7, depending on the day), almost like a maze, but it's the friends we make along the journey that makes it all worthwhile. that, and people don't always have as much power over us as we (or they) think they do.

i love this movie, the sorta steampunk fairy tale images, and (i have to admit) the music, and, really, who could help but love David Bowie? especially in a cape. capes make me happy.

Labyrinth is a wonderful movie, despite the bratty compulsions of the main heroine, and is yet another, i have found, where i prefer the villain to the heroes.

i leave you, at last, with the lyrics to the final song in the movie, in the Escher room:

how you've turned my world

you precious thing

you starve and near-exhaust me

everything i've done, i've done for you

i move the starst for no one

you've run so long

you've run so far

your eyes can be so cruel

just as i can be so cruel

though i do believe in you

yes, i do

live without your sunlight

love without your heartbeat

i, i can't live within you...

serious question; request response

sorry for recent silence -- not much time on hands from college. on that note, following is a very serious question, one to which i am clueless to answer, except for a few suggestions.

i have no friggin' idea what to do with my life. i have only one year left to wishy-washy it over, then the beaurocrats of higher education will demand an answer.

only ideas i have:

1. teacher -- this is what i have told people several months ago that i would do, but certain things have come to mind to squash that thought: arts education is getting to be less and less of a priority these days, and, were i forced to teach subjects that a) i care not for (math, grammar) or b) i cannot fully support (history, which is a series of lies agreed upon, or science, most of which, while intriguing, is yet theoretical, and passing it as absolute truth seems like another lie agreed upon), my zeal for the position would be veritably squashed. besides that, no matter what subject i would teach, children are cruel, and i wish not to subject myself to their evil ridicule.

2. psychologist (not psychiatrist: i prefer not to perscribe medicine) -- i must admit, with the giddy joy i get every time i find an old psychology textbook to add to my collection, that i find the way people's minds work fascinating, though i don't know what good i can do to help others with their problems; i've always been horrible at comforting people when they're down. often, i just make it worse...

3. professional artist -- starving artist, more like. artists don't make a lot of money, and often hold multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Picasso was the only major artist to become rich in his own time, and he was a literal prodegy. would be nice to be him, but i fear i'd be more a tragic van Gogh.

4. film animation artist/creative director/whatever else i could possibly do on a movie set -- huge movie buff, and, if i were to work on some of them, maybe i can help them to not suck. coolest thing i can think of doing, become a regular attatchment to Tim Burton's film teams. that would rock, but i don't think there are any applications out for that sorta thing...

there are a lot of things i WANT to do, and even more things that i would be better suited for doing, but when it comes to what i end up really working toward, i am absolutely clueless.

....any suggestions?

12 things to do in '11

dearest apologies, loyal readers, for my long silence. kinda out of it, and so today's entery will probably be quite awkward as a direct result. shall try harder not to wait so long in the future.

so, today i'm gonna just make a simple list: 12 things i really want to do in 2011. try to do one every month, not necissarily in the order written, then report on it. ta! simple, yeah? 'kay, here ya go.
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1. go hiking on the Ridge -- haven't been up there since i was ten years old.
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2. convince someone else, maybe more people, to go with me to a Rocky Horror midnight rave -- you know what happens as these things? people yell sarcastic comments at the screen, throw things at other audience members, show up in costume... finally! an even that not only condones, but actually encourages my NORMAL film-watching behavior! (i won't force my travel companions into a costume -- as long as they don't begroan me wearing my own!)
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3. get a job.
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4. become famous for one whole night.
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5. finish writing a novel.
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6. really scare someone.
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7. spend a day pretending i'm pregnant.
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8. go to wal mart, buy a strange combination of objects to creep out the checkout person.
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9. spend an entire day without emotions.
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10. claim my own country and declare my independance.
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11. learn to juggle.
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12. make a real difference in one person's life.
...
...
some of my loyal readers may wish to help me in some of these endevors. if not, who needs ya! (i do, or my blog would go on completely unread). so, what do you want to do?

Fairy Tales -- What a Crock!!!!

when i say the word "fairy tale", what is the first word that pops in your head? quite often, the answer would be "Disney". that's too bad. for me, however, the word would be, "unfair, brainwashing desceptions, coated in sugar, shoved down the throats of unsuspecting youths by the faceless rule-makers and stereotype-setters of society." yeah, okay, word-S. whatever. but think about it; all the social insinuations, all the double standards, not to mention over-suggested caste distinctions and sexist ideals! someone needs to call them out, and if no one else dares don the shining armour of truth, i take it upon myself to desperately reveal the hidden reality of these stories.

to start with, the all-too-sweet, shiney happy fairy tales we all know today (as fed to us through modern film and other dilluted media) are but sad, malnourished shadows of the dark tales of evil and woe they once were. take "Snow White" for instance, Walt Disney's first attempt at a feature-length animation (granted, Walt was a varitable genius in the ways of film and art -- but, surely, he could've stuck to the story a bit more!); the story of an ambiguously-aged young woman who is treated unfairly by her wicked stepmother, only to be chased away by the huntsman who was to kill her, lands in a tiny cottage with seven miniscule miners who find her pretty and allow her to stay and do the cooking and cleaning they are none too keen on doing themselves, only to be tricked by the wicked stepmother who simply could not keep well enough alone and who disguises herself as an old woman with a poison apple, causing the young woman to go into a coma lasting, oh, a couple weeks at most, to be awakened by a handsome prince who happens along her glass coffin in an abandoned medow, marries said prince, leaving behind her seven former caretakers for dust and death.

dark and shallow though this tale seems, it is, as most recreations are, nothing compared to the original short story by the Grimm brothers, in which the wicked stepmother isn't so wicked to start out, but after giving birth either to a stillborn baby, or a deformed one which was promptly killed to be put out of its misery (versions dispute -- either way, they agree that she kept the corpse), she spirals into depression and, later, madness, jellous at the fact that her husband's daughter, Snow White, was still alive, well, AND beautiful. the king offers to do anything to help her become happy again, and she snaps and orders him to kill his daughter (Disney failed to reveal the fact that the huntsman was supposed to be her father). when this happens, she is only about seven or eight years old, but she stays with the seven miners (not necessarily dwarves) until she is thirteen or fourteen, as was the proper marrying age back then (a fact that still baffels me; girls that age are just getting over the fact that their skin is covered in cistuous bumps and they are bleeding from oriphaces they weren't entirely aware they had -- add the prospect of marriage and the fact that twenty was considered the age of old spinsterhood, and you've REALLY got some raging horemones...). the pig's heart that replaced Snow White's was found out, and the stepmother comes to her three times, not one, and not in a magical disguise, just an old robe and wig, the first time with a poison comb she stabs into her scalp, then with a corsit to suffocate her (both times the miners were able to save her using some type of extracting lotion and a good old fashioned knife), THEN with the poison apple (you'd think, being German, one of them would've known the heimlech meneuver before the rest of the world... huh). her coffin was made of diamond, not glass, but the origin of prince charming is still unclear. the story doesn't stop there, of course, but goes on to the wedding (where the miners were still abandoned for the royal lifestyle). Vendetta Laws are never applied in Disney films, but the Grimms depicted a rather grizley scene where the mad stepmother was forced to dance at the reception wearing red-hot iron shoes, to the point that her feet were no longer of use for the rest of her life, which was spent in exile to a swampland.

see? two totally different stories.

despite the changing of fairy tale plots to fit today's standard, certain foul distinctions remain intact, as they are the very essence of the characters within them. caste distinction, for example, is very important, as you never hear a fairy tale about a commoner, unless they become royalty in the end. and the sexist ideal, of course, is that women are helpless little chatterboxes that are exposed to situations that simply do not befit their status as women, while men are the big, strong men of mark (princes and kings, or just rich mama's boys), and are always the ones that end up saving the day, never mind where else they have been during the rest of the story. it is this stupid ideal that has girls letting the guys win, no matter what, and which sends "tomboys" and "femenists" into exile. it is also what makes so many men go mad, as the "big, strong leader" deal does not allow them to have emotions, so they snap and beat up/kill whatever they are taught to be weaker than themselves (that's why i don't mind angry girls -- as long as they're not annoying with it, i don't care how many men did you wrong, if you don't shut up i will slap the crap outa you myself! -- or crying boys, as that is a perfectly natural way to express frustration, fear, anger, worry, and, of course, sadness).

then there's my most dispised of distinctions: that of physical appearance bing synonomous with moral code. it's always a kind, beautiful maiden facing an ugly, wicked witch/stepmother/stepsister. you never hear a fairy tale about the kind, ugly maiden prospering, no matter how sweet and generous she is. and one need not be ugly to be evil, and vice versa. only recently is today's dilluted media showing stories about "pretty bitches" -- most of the antagonists are viewed as protagonists in their world, just because of physical beauty, both male and female.

my favorite fairy tale is "Beauty and the Beast" (not Disney, although that one is fairly okay -- a leading lady who prefers intelligence and imagination to beauty and social standing is something i can always support -- the fact that she ended up pretty, too, was merely a happy accident). the version i like, it starts out with the protagonist, Honour (not Beauty), being the plain-looking middle sister, absolutely nothing special about her, except for her thirst for knowledge and desire for adventure (Disney corp. got that right -- too bad Walt sr. had already died). her sisters giver her the nickname of "Beauty" as a cruel joke. one day, her father ventures through the enchanted wood toward the city to look for work, and all of Honour's sisters demand a preasent for when he comes back -- clothes, jewelrey, fashionable pets, etc. -- but when asked what she wanted, the girl who expected very little special treatment from life just asked for some rose seeds to plant a garden. the father returns some months later, completely shaken. he'd struck out in a wave of unemployment (sound familliar?) and could not afford to buy the presents his pretty daughters demanded, but did come accross an abandoned estate with some roses growing on the gate, so he thought he'd take one for his mostly-forgotten plain middle daughter, when a talking beast demanded retribution for the stolen property. so he traded the rose and a sack of rose seeds for his daughter for his daughter (yes, you read it twice, now think about it). hard worker though she was, she wouldn't get much in the way of a marriage, and they were already shelling out a fortune for her dowry (a bribe for young men to pretend to find her attractive), so she wouldn't be completely missed... so Honour (Beauty) goes to live with the Beast, who asks her every evening for a year to marry him, to which she replies, "No, Beast" -- at first because, duh, he's a friggin' Beast! then later because, even if she has come to love him, she fears herself too plain, and that he's only marrying her out of convenience, and if it were one of her sisters instead of her, he'd be slightly more eager. (how screwed up is that logic? i'm not saying i don't understand it, i probably do more than i think. but refusing becaus you think you're too ugly for the qote-unquote-"hiddeous creature"? wow.) of course, eventually, after recieving gift after magical gift (a time-travelling library with every book that will ever be written, botomless chest, a ring -- not mirror -- that shows her whatever she wishes to see), and before she can say yes, she finds that, without her hardworking help, the farm is failing, and her family's ailing, so he lets her go to them, but not before saying he would die without her.

now, if the story had stopped there (and it probably did in the Grimm's original original version), it would've become this wonderful, tragic tale of unrequited love, and that is a wonderful thing. but no. it went on until the family got fixed, but Honour remained broken-hearted at leaving her true love, no matter how fuzzy and toothy he happened to be. when her roses started dying, however, she somehow knew they were connected to the Beast, fled back to his manor, to find him almost dead when she declares her love. yeah, you know what comes next; the Beast turns into a handsome prince, which so goes against the whole point of the story, i could spit acid every time i read it! and, as if that weren't bad enough, SHE turns beautiful, TOO!!! bringing out the inner-beauty is the point, i suppose, but then they both started acting all flippant and shallow, wearing pretty clothing, and hiring servants to take on the chores the now-permenantly-deemed "Beauty" once found cathartic. and i gotta ask, what the flap, jack?!?! why? why?! WHY?!! one of the few original fairy tales with a "happy ending", and i hate it. love the story, hate the ending. it's supposed to be about transcending traditional lables, but when they find themselves in the more favored lable, suddenly leaving stereotypical behavior behind seems too much trouble...? how much more double can a standard get?! ugh.

fairy tales are read to children with impressionable little minds, and are depicted as the ideal way. girls are meant to be beautiful and perfect, whose only flaws are naiivete` and gullability, and the occasional too-good-for-her-own-good. i.e., if you are sweet and submissive, you can become a princess. on the other hand, little boys are meant to be chivalrous and tough; also cute and rich and romantic and perfect doesn't hurt. no pressure. fairy tales are the reason for the underlying psychological pressure in our society; why girls torture themselves to achieve the ideal beauty, and why boys alter their entire personality just to be the "right kind" of guy. if you don't believe me, look at any high school in existance. friggin' fairy tale characters-in-training, man! and anyone who goes against the code are shunned to the proverbial swampland.

that's where i choose to live; where wicked step-people can tell their side of the story and beauty is truely found within, where a girl can be a knight and a boy can be a beautiful poet's soul, and the endings are almost always tragic, but at least they're not false.

results to quotes that i greatly enjoy

succumbing to the minorest of pressures in my previous posts, i have posted some of my favorite quotes. congrats-a-million to Lord Semaj for quoting the most and becoming my favorite hunka chocolate. these are the exact translations of the movies/people responsible for these strings of words being strung together for my own daily use. tra-da!

1. Marilyn Monroe (poor girl, both smart and beautiful, got corrupted by Hollywood moguls to only judge herself on public opinion)

2. Jareth, the Goblin King, of "Labyrinth" (from the makers of "Muppets"! i love muppets. and, i must admit, fairy-tale type stories in which the heroine ends up strong and independant.)

3. Charlie Chaplin (freakin' comedic GENIUS! his character creation, the Little Tramp, is both laughable and loveable -- and one of the only characters in history whose rights are owned by the man who first created him!)

4. spoken by the mad wanna-be-vampire servant in "Dracula" (the one with Bela Lugosi, wonderful, delicious scrap of a Hungarian)

5. sang by the grandfather-type character in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" (a movie i haven't seen since i was a wee one, when cell phones were still a social commodoty... for some reason, this line has been running around in my head for weeks, so i thought i'd use it)

6. my favorite Shakespeare line (obviously Shakespearian in its phrasing) from which play i am not entirely certian... after so many, they all just sorta bleed together... not the plots, mind you, just the dialogue)

7. spoken by, obviously, inigo montoya from "Princess Bride" (another fairy-tale-type story, where the heroine does NOT end up strong and independant... but, gimme a break, i had a crush on Andre the Giant.)

8. spoken by Freddy Kruger to, duh, Nancy in "Nightmare on Elm Street" (both versions -- the original, through a phone, followed by a poorly-crafted, though hillarious, puppet toungue sticking out of the mouth piece that licks her face -- it makes me giggle -- and in the dumb-slap remake, where Nancy is pinned to a bed in a dress fit for a 6-year-old, where he just looks at her menacingly... i miss the toungue-puppet.)

9. from "O, Brother, Where Art Thou?" (watched it a million times with my biological father in place of human bonding... story lines loosely taken from Homer's "Odyssey")

10. spoken by Dracula to Mina Harker in referance to Dr. Van Helsing in "Dracula" (my beloved Lugosi version) after smashing a mirror in the lid of a cigar box, after exposing his lack of reflection.

11. spoken by Frankenstein's MONSTER to his only true friend, the Blind Man in "Bride of Frankenstein('s MONSTER)" (the calling of the monster by the name of "Frankenstein", as any loyal reader knows, really wrings my moose, man!)

12. spoken by Howard to a scientist who tells him how he can return home in the cheesey, yet fairly good, 80's flick, "Howard the Duck" (the use of puppets and costume to make Howard, as well as the sync of words to the beak all fascinate me, technically... plus, there's some pretty good music and fashion, from a Franki point of view)

13. spoken (via title card) by Erik in the silent Lon Chaney version of "The Phantom of the Opera" (my second-favorite version, headed by the original book by Gaston Leroux, and followed by the 2004 movie adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical version -- okay, technically it's an operetta, but let's not go into that, right now.)


alright, i hope you enjoyed this reveal-come-personal explaination of my quotes of high regard!

quotes of movies that i greatly enjoy

my two followers have both done movie quote posts, and, as i cannot think of anything myself, i shall succumb to social pressure, only inasmuch as to also do one. HUZZAH! whoever gets the most shall become my favorite hunka chocolate, and shall be applauded by myself. (warning, multipal genres, not necissarily said on-screen, or spoken at all -- that's the trick!!)

1. they like me! they really, really like me!

2. unfair? you say that so often... i wonder what your basis of comparison is?

3. life is a beautiful, wonderful thing -- even to a jellyfish!

4. ratssss... all these rats i give to you...

5. p! o! s! h! posh!

6. thus i clothe my naked villainy with old odd ends and feign a saint when most i play the devil.

7. hullo... my name is inigo montoya... you killed my father... prepare to die...

8. I'M your boyfriend now, nancy!

9. well... we thought you was a toad!

10. i... dislike mirrors... the doctor will explain...

11. alone bad.. friend good...

12. yeah, i got a question. where are my pants?!

13. NO!!! DO NOT LOOK UPON MY HIDDEOUS FACE!!!



alright.... GO!!