was looking back through previous posts... last my loyal readers knew, i was working as a cook at an unnamed pizza joint -- now, because i don't give a crap, i will name it: PIZZA HUT!!! i no longer care because they laid me off in august.
that's right. friggin. laid... me.... off.... PIZZA HUT!!! it's a conspiracy, i'm sure, but whatever. it's been several months. i'm over it.
STUPID, JERK-WAD SORRY EXCUSE OF "NEW MANAGEMENT" WITH THE FACE OF A BROKEN ASS!!! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A PEPPERONI, SLIP IN YOUR NON-SLIP SHOES, AND PLANT YOUR FACE ON THE OVEN CONVAYER BELT!!! GRRRRRR!!!!
yup. totally over it.
....
Saturday, January 14, 2012
re-establishing contact to the outside world.
i don't think i could begin to explain my sorrow at my extended silence on this blog.... so i don't think i will! instead, i'll just jump right in, as though the period of silence never happened....so i've decided to compile a list of 50 random things that make me happy on the inside. just cause.
- old metal
- sock monkeys
- zombie humor
- movies in general (as long as they have an actual plot)
- mass hysteria over something stupid, as i watch the idiots from the sidelines
- puppies. don't judge.
- the post-apocalypse
- monsters
- car chases
- bats
- water
- heights
- the number 13
- words that sound like other words ("hail", "dam")
- when people argue in other languages
- the sound scissors make
- playing with matches
- juice and doodles as a combination
- pizza
- crazy japanese street fashion
- twilight-haters
- when ballerinas and ice-skaters fail miserably in their routine
- fat babies (as long as they're in someone else's arms, and pay no attention to me... i tend to make babies cry)
- Marvin the Martian
- foam shipping peanuts
- the smell of napalm in the morning
- not being in pain
- live monkeys
- big boots
- awkward people who have no idea how cool they are
- generic-brand cherry pie turnovers
- when jerk-wads get sunburns
- tiny, fuzzy creatures with big eyes (anyone who says otherwise is playing too tough)
- chocolate
- iguanas eating wedding cake
- misguided egomaniacs with an internal struggle
- badass grandmas
- blue jell-o
- guys with physical deformities
- silent films
- goggles
- golden-age NickToons from the '90's and early 2000's
- smart comedy
- crab meat
- "butt"
- the concept of being "princess" of something unusual (pirates, monsters, rust, etc.)
- hats and socks
- ghosts
- whips
- MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
why am i so odd?
in the title of this entery, i'm not saying that i'm ashamed of my strangeness, far from it! but i do often wonder why? what is different inside my mind that makes me so different from other 19-year-old girls?
why do i seem to be the only one who can't stand today's pop culture? who would take beatles over beiber any day? who is so desperately passionate about pre-color-age films, especailly the silent ones? why were my first on-screen crushes (who still make my throat knot when they look directly into the camera) the ones that have scared/disturbed/weirded out other viewers for decades?
why do i disdain the things that people love, often regardless of what those things are? why do i find a fondness for the things others would do without? why do things like abandoned theatres and rusty oil drums inspire more happiness than shopping malls and gardens? why do i constantly find myself rooting for the "bad" guys, when i still count myself as "good" (for the most part)?
why am i talented at some things, like art, writing, music, sewing and design, and public speaking to large numbers, when i'm so aweful at basic things like coordination, dancing, social communication, directional cognition, and voicing complaints when some dearly need to be made?
why do i find beauty in ugliness, decay, and abandonment? why do i favor things like left, down, and behind, under the impression that they tend to be slighted by the masses? why do i tend to feel offended at compliments that i'm unused to? why does the idea of a party make me want to vomit, when the idea of being stuck in solitude for many days gets me excited?
why do i fear beauty? why do i have the suspicion that, if a man ever falls in love with me on a day i happen to look good, he would never accept me for all my weirdness?
and, above all, why am i okay with this? shouldn't these things bother me?
well, i suppose they would, if i were typical. but, seeing as i AM this odd, it doesn't bother me as much as it could.... still.... would be nice to know why.......
why do i seem to be the only one who can't stand today's pop culture? who would take beatles over beiber any day? who is so desperately passionate about pre-color-age films, especailly the silent ones? why were my first on-screen crushes (who still make my throat knot when they look directly into the camera) the ones that have scared/disturbed/weirded out other viewers for decades?
why do i disdain the things that people love, often regardless of what those things are? why do i find a fondness for the things others would do without? why do things like abandoned theatres and rusty oil drums inspire more happiness than shopping malls and gardens? why do i constantly find myself rooting for the "bad" guys, when i still count myself as "good" (for the most part)?
why am i talented at some things, like art, writing, music, sewing and design, and public speaking to large numbers, when i'm so aweful at basic things like coordination, dancing, social communication, directional cognition, and voicing complaints when some dearly need to be made?
why do i find beauty in ugliness, decay, and abandonment? why do i favor things like left, down, and behind, under the impression that they tend to be slighted by the masses? why do i tend to feel offended at compliments that i'm unused to? why does the idea of a party make me want to vomit, when the idea of being stuck in solitude for many days gets me excited?
why do i fear beauty? why do i have the suspicion that, if a man ever falls in love with me on a day i happen to look good, he would never accept me for all my weirdness?
and, above all, why am i okay with this? shouldn't these things bother me?
well, i suppose they would, if i were typical. but, seeing as i AM this odd, it doesn't bother me as much as it could.... still.... would be nice to know why.......
Thursday, June 9, 2011
job update: for those who care
i now officially have a job i hate. blah!
last i posted, i'd just gotten the job at the pizza joint. i was so excited to have it. i looked forward to doing it. i liked my coworkers, i liked my boss, i liked the products, i even liked the outfit.
well, guess what.
i was wrong.
let's start at the beginning, shall we?
i started as a waitress in training. i followed other waitresses around and did their bidding. that was fine, i assumed it was necissary. i was kept very busy, even after the place closed; i did EVERYONE'S chores "because i needed to get familliar with the work".... well, ok, i guess i can see the value in that. but, when i ask a question, don't answer with "it's self-explainitory" with a she's-an-idiot face.
and here's the thing with waitress earnings: most of it is tips. seriously. i was a waitress in training: i wasn't allowed to make tips. so all of my earnings ammounted to the $4.25 per hour i made. it wasn't enough for a full tank of gas. the only tip i made i found while doing dishes: it was a quarter stuck to a ranch-covered plate that no one wanted to touch. screw 'em, it's mine, now!
spent it on overspill gas.
then the phones rang. i didn't know how to use the phones, or the computers to place orders, or the cash register.... i screwed up over twenty orders in a five-hour shift. i was blamed, and when i asked if someone could show me how the stuff all friggin' works, they said "too busy"....
and my fellow waitresses? 2-faced bertruger-hures! (that was german, by the way) they are sweet and accomodating to the customers, and evil and nasty behind the counter, assuming the patrons can't hear them ten feet away. also assuming i can't hear them through the door to the kitchen, where i'm doing dishes....
i *love* when people, especially annoying people, talk about me behind my back. it makes me feel like the most important thing in their lives.
and as for my boss: it turns out applicants aren't the only ones to hide their true character during the interview. that's all i'm going to say there.
that was the first week.
following my first week was two weeks without work hours. when i was finally allowed back, i was sent to the kitchen, where i wouldn't be allowed to interact with the public. i liked it better back there, anyway. it was all cement and metal, with narrow walkways between crowded shelves and large, groaning metal machinery, chained to one specific spot, unless some manner of physical labor was needed... kinda like a dungeon, but more delicious-smelling.
but i was slow, and slowness in the kitchen is not rewarded. so the majority of what i do now is everyone else's preparation for the next day: placing discs of frozen dough on oiled pans, piling them up in the walk-in freezer (the inner-sanctum of dungeonry), and flipping the toppings table. i still piss people off, and i'm not allwoed near the phones, and my face and hair are seriously suffering for toiling in the immediate vicinity of oily air. but at least i'm not the bane of existance, anymore...
only one person in the entire place seems to realize that i actually am trying, that i'm just a major klutz is all. after i make a mistake, instead of hating me forevermore, like everyone else in the place, if he's mad at all, he's cool again in five minutes, singing to the radio (pop hits, his only bad point so far) and dancing suggestively with the broom (makes up for the poppiness of the music, 'cause it's hillarious).
so, yeah, hate my job. hate my boss. hate most of my coworkers. hate the choice of music in the kitchen (pop or country... add in "gangstah" rap, and you got everything that most annoys me). still am not entirely sure how to work my paycheck (i get payed in MasterCard credit... is that unusual?).
but, hey, i still love the pizza (which i do not get a discount for!)....
that discount thing was the last grain of rice to tilt the scale in favor of this decision:
i am looking for a new job!
last i posted, i'd just gotten the job at the pizza joint. i was so excited to have it. i looked forward to doing it. i liked my coworkers, i liked my boss, i liked the products, i even liked the outfit.
well, guess what.
i was wrong.
let's start at the beginning, shall we?
i started as a waitress in training. i followed other waitresses around and did their bidding. that was fine, i assumed it was necissary. i was kept very busy, even after the place closed; i did EVERYONE'S chores "because i needed to get familliar with the work".... well, ok, i guess i can see the value in that. but, when i ask a question, don't answer with "it's self-explainitory" with a she's-an-idiot face.
and here's the thing with waitress earnings: most of it is tips. seriously. i was a waitress in training: i wasn't allowed to make tips. so all of my earnings ammounted to the $4.25 per hour i made. it wasn't enough for a full tank of gas. the only tip i made i found while doing dishes: it was a quarter stuck to a ranch-covered plate that no one wanted to touch. screw 'em, it's mine, now!
spent it on overspill gas.
then the phones rang. i didn't know how to use the phones, or the computers to place orders, or the cash register.... i screwed up over twenty orders in a five-hour shift. i was blamed, and when i asked if someone could show me how the stuff all friggin' works, they said "too busy"....
and my fellow waitresses? 2-faced bertruger-hures! (that was german, by the way) they are sweet and accomodating to the customers, and evil and nasty behind the counter, assuming the patrons can't hear them ten feet away. also assuming i can't hear them through the door to the kitchen, where i'm doing dishes....
i *love* when people, especially annoying people, talk about me behind my back. it makes me feel like the most important thing in their lives.
and as for my boss: it turns out applicants aren't the only ones to hide their true character during the interview. that's all i'm going to say there.
that was the first week.
following my first week was two weeks without work hours. when i was finally allowed back, i was sent to the kitchen, where i wouldn't be allowed to interact with the public. i liked it better back there, anyway. it was all cement and metal, with narrow walkways between crowded shelves and large, groaning metal machinery, chained to one specific spot, unless some manner of physical labor was needed... kinda like a dungeon, but more delicious-smelling.
but i was slow, and slowness in the kitchen is not rewarded. so the majority of what i do now is everyone else's preparation for the next day: placing discs of frozen dough on oiled pans, piling them up in the walk-in freezer (the inner-sanctum of dungeonry), and flipping the toppings table. i still piss people off, and i'm not allwoed near the phones, and my face and hair are seriously suffering for toiling in the immediate vicinity of oily air. but at least i'm not the bane of existance, anymore...
only one person in the entire place seems to realize that i actually am trying, that i'm just a major klutz is all. after i make a mistake, instead of hating me forevermore, like everyone else in the place, if he's mad at all, he's cool again in five minutes, singing to the radio (pop hits, his only bad point so far) and dancing suggestively with the broom (makes up for the poppiness of the music, 'cause it's hillarious).
so, yeah, hate my job. hate my boss. hate most of my coworkers. hate the choice of music in the kitchen (pop or country... add in "gangstah" rap, and you got everything that most annoys me). still am not entirely sure how to work my paycheck (i get payed in MasterCard credit... is that unusual?).
but, hey, i still love the pizza (which i do not get a discount for!)....
that discount thing was the last grain of rice to tilt the scale in favor of this decision:
i am looking for a new job!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
for those in the know.....
wo daoqian, dear readers, for my long silence. busy, busy, busy. (by the way, that was chinese. "i apologise.") i'm a bit out of sorts, and so would like to take this moment to do a short, little post containing a private joke that you probably won't get, as an ice-re-breaker. okay? okay.
here we go.
for those in the know.......
..... CHUCK!!!!! ...........
feichang ganxie, everyone. (thank you very much.)
i like chinese.
CHUCK!
here we go.
for those in the know.......
..... CHUCK!!!!! ...........
feichang ganxie, everyone. (thank you very much.)
i like chinese.
CHUCK!
Friday, May 13, 2011
tribute to a hat pt. 3
HAPPY FRIDAY 13 EVERYBODY!!!!!
i wore this sequined tophat as a celebration of the holliday. usually, it's just gold, but i sometimes decorate it with other things, like for new years', i wrapped strands of silver and gold wrapping ribbon around it, letting the excess trail down the back. today, however, for my black catiness, i gave it a black scarf band with silver sequins on it, and cat ears attatched. other costume elements: death-cameo bowtie, black-and-white stripped fingerless kid gloves (get it? kid... kiddy... kitty... never mind...), my "Team Riff-Raff" shirt, black pants (required for the tuxedo i am to wear for tonight's choral concert), and black victorian ankle boots. oh, yeah, and a tail. yeah, that's right, i said tail. on a studded black leather belt. yes, i just told you my whole outfit. and it rocks.
a-huzz-ah!
ok, back to the hat.
WHERE I GOT IT: from Lord Semaj for christmas (about thirty seconds after his mother gave it to him). i was told it was used in an actual stage-production of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" (that's why the Team Riff-Raff shirt), and was probably still drunk from the after-parties and other parties it had been worn to.... sweet!
WHY I LOVE IT: well... it's a friggin' sequined tophat!!! the eccentric burried deep inside me (but not that deep) loves the individuality of it, and the part of me that spilled over from my mother is distracted by the shiney-ness of it, and must hold it and stroke it in the darkness with only the moonlight glinting off its sequins, muttering to myself, "my precioussssss...... my precioussssssss......" also, it kept my head very warm one cold winter's night when my car broke down on the side of the road and i had to wait for an hour for my emergency contact to come and pick me up. probably saved me from hypothermia. i've got a history with this hat with a history.
love this hat.
that was a command, not a comment.
....now...
.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
tribute to a hat pt. 2
ta-da! purple fedorah, black and white striped band which i added myself.
WHERE I GOT IT: (hat) wal-mart. (band) also wal-mart, but a couple years before... was actually a headband-scarf-thingie.
WHY I LIKE IT: hello, have you seen it?! it's purple! with a black-and-white stripey band! it's funky! it's crazy! it's been known to give people seizures! how could ya not like it?
ok, short post.... later!
Friday, May 6, 2011
tribute to a hat pt. 1
i am an avid collector of hats, and have chosen the next few sessions to show off my favorites. i show this one first, not because it is my most or least favorite of the favorites, but because it just happened to be the one i wore today.
Where I got it: a hat shop (actual hat shop, the first i'd ever been in) on the top floor of the Crown Center (a mall sponsored by Hallmark) in Kansas City where my school choior performed a few weeks ago after miraculously getting my voice back following a horrible sickness.
Why I love it: it's so strange and unusual, sort of a mad cross between a fedorah and a tophat, my two favorite hat types, and it's plaid, which is my second-favorite color (after stripes, but before orange), and, best part, i got it on sale! was originally over $50, but was out-of-season, so the price dropped to $25, but the man working there who had a voice that always sounded like he was singing the blues, gave me another whatever-percent off for several reasons: 1, it was the last of its kind in stock anywhere in town, 2, i told him he had a cool voice, a sweet shop, and congratulated him on his job, and 3, i think i was his only business that day... so, in the end, the hat came out to $19, plus a hat box, and respect from another hat-collecting tenor who looks a bit like a 20-year-0ld version of Riff-Raff from "Rocky Horror" (i.e., that means I think he's cute), so all's well that ends well.
love this hat!!!!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
good ole' summer time...
as we all know, summer is slowly building to its 4-month-long craschendo, and, as the days grow longer, pants, hair, and attention spans are all getting shorter. i thought i'd take this time to talk about summer, what i like and dislike about it, in the sarcastic, yet droning way that only i can do.
LIKES
~ heat is nice after a cold winter... 'course, i'm a whimp in any temperature...
~ ice cream is always on sale somewhere
~ ..... okay, here is where i would say, "no school," and i could've said that a year or more ago... unfortunately, i have summer classes for college, so that my workloads next semester will not be as stiffiling as they were all this year. but, upside, they are english-based, which i am very good at and enjoy... so, okay, here we go... i get to take speech and fiction for a month and a half
~ SLEEP, BABY!!! HOW I MISS MAKING SWEET, SLUMBERING LOVE TO MY BED!! (it's not something you actually get to do in college, i have learned.)
~ local talent shows and fairs. that's right, 15 minutes of fame, fortune, and corn dogs...
~ corn dogs
DISLIKES
~ the sun. i could do without so much of it. i have a somewhat vampiric complexion, and it takes very little solar exposure to make me BURN, BABY, BURN!!
~ the pool. okay, yes, i like the pool, and yes, i love to swim, and no, it's not because i know i'll look fat in my swimsuit (i stopped caring about that a while ago), but it IS the other people at the pool... i'm not what you would call a "people person", and hanging out at the pool means seeing a million people in their intimates, getting wet, bumping into me, spilling food on their bodies and the ground for me to step on later, having rude little pre-teen girls gag at seeing my fat ass in a swimsuit (i know... shut up), and a bunch of rude (w)itches in swimming thongs walking around... slut, cover that up!!! i don't wanna see your ass, and i'm pretty sure that bump there is herpes, and now i don't wanna get in that water.....
~ ice cream is always on sale somewhere
~ losing a talent contest
~ running out of corn dogs
alright, that's all i can think of right now... your turn!!
LIKES
~ heat is nice after a cold winter... 'course, i'm a whimp in any temperature...
~ ice cream is always on sale somewhere
~ ..... okay, here is where i would say, "no school," and i could've said that a year or more ago... unfortunately, i have summer classes for college, so that my workloads next semester will not be as stiffiling as they were all this year. but, upside, they are english-based, which i am very good at and enjoy... so, okay, here we go... i get to take speech and fiction for a month and a half
~ SLEEP, BABY!!! HOW I MISS MAKING SWEET, SLUMBERING LOVE TO MY BED!! (it's not something you actually get to do in college, i have learned.)
~ local talent shows and fairs. that's right, 15 minutes of fame, fortune, and corn dogs...
~ corn dogs
DISLIKES
~ the sun. i could do without so much of it. i have a somewhat vampiric complexion, and it takes very little solar exposure to make me BURN, BABY, BURN!!
~ the pool. okay, yes, i like the pool, and yes, i love to swim, and no, it's not because i know i'll look fat in my swimsuit (i stopped caring about that a while ago), but it IS the other people at the pool... i'm not what you would call a "people person", and hanging out at the pool means seeing a million people in their intimates, getting wet, bumping into me, spilling food on their bodies and the ground for me to step on later, having rude little pre-teen girls gag at seeing my fat ass in a swimsuit (i know... shut up), and a bunch of rude (w)itches in swimming thongs walking around... slut, cover that up!!! i don't wanna see your ass, and i'm pretty sure that bump there is herpes, and now i don't wanna get in that water.....
~ ice cream is always on sale somewhere
~ losing a talent contest
~ running out of corn dogs
alright, that's all i can think of right now... your turn!!
Friday, April 15, 2011
HAPPY 122nd CHARLIE CHAPLIN!!!
there's not much to this post, except to with a happy birthday to my favorite silent film star, and second-favorite commedic genius, charlie chaplin.
happy birthday, charlie!!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
sick day
now, i don't like to talk about personal experiences, as i am too paranoid to put that sorta thing on the internet for anyone to read -- even though i personally know and could count on a single hand those who actually do read this... but i gotta get this crap off my chest. and when i'm done with that, i might go ahead and tell you people what's bothering me. . except for the whole sick thing, sick days are usually pretty great. no school, no worries, no survivors.... tend to feel a bit cheated when my sick day falls on a weekend. or, rather, ALL FRIGGIN' WEEKEND! and all friggin weekend, i had an arse-load of homework to get done, and even though i had the house to myself, sickness (of any kind) makes me paranoid into thinking there's always someone outside my back door, or someone snuck into the house while i was bathing, or there's a bug some creep has snuck beneath my bed that picks up everything i might say or do, which means spending an hour and a half cleaning out from under said bed to find the spying device and squash it like the bug it is... even in school, i am still sick as i type. it's not like i could afford a sick day in college -- catch-up is the world's worst game, and i already have enough to do with getting ready to go on choior tour soon (whole week's worth of schoolwork to catch up on). oh, yeah, that's another thing! I HAVE NO VOICE!!! the sickness has taken my voice! how can i sing in a couple days for several high schools and a professional sports team (nat. anth.) if all i can do is squack right now?!?! i'm not skipping the tour, no matter how sour my voice gets (much as i hate being like the pop stars of today, i suppose i could lip-sync...) but choior pays for half my tuition, so that's about the only choice i have. don't let Gary know i'm not backing up the other altos, and pray that this green tea i'm drinking will not let it come to that... ok, to wind things down on this haphazard little post which i ams till writing through a mental fog and between angry glares at other students who i know are conspiring against me, here i shall add a list of things i like to do when sick (and not heavy-laden with homework): 1. have a movie marathon (i still did that this weekend... assignments needed background noise, and i needed something to take my mind of the group of assassin lock-pickers on my back porch... seriously, sometimes the paranoia grows to full-on hallucinations... and it's just a flu!) 2. eat cinimon toast, or french toast when i have the energy to use the stove. 3. sew something (sock monkey, doll, dress that i will probably never wear in public, costume that i will almost definately wear in public, and often, a thneede...) 4. read (usually books from my childhood, as they are easier to comprehend through the mental fog of sickness and medication... usually Dr. Seuss... hehehe, those sneetches!) 5. pretend that i am a monster, so the moaning, groaning, growling when i talk, dripping, oozing, popping, and exploding will make sense, and be more interesting than just a sick girl. okay... i guess that's all for now... .... or is it?.....
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Another quick announcement
RAAUUUUUUUUULLLL!!!
.
glad i got that outa my system.
.
ok, not counting my chickens or anything here, but i think i may be speaking true when i say.... I FINALLY GOT A REAL JOB!!!! i think, anyway. sure, it's just a waitressing thing at a "family-owned" pizza joint, but still, man!
.
of course, i was nervous on my interview this morning (i know, it's hard to imagine -- me! the fabulous franki! nervous!), but during it i was able to relate to her a bit, and when she pulled out the most frightening question, "if we hire you, what would you have to offer [restaurant name deleted]?"
.
i tell ya, my throat closed up and my mind went blank. the little freak inside my mind screamed, Dude! just tell her the right thing! it's not hard. what does she want to hear?
.
"oh, uh, you know, a hard worker, all that..."
.
very creative... everyone else who says that probably thinks so, too.
.
"... and someone the customers can... relate to, i guess? you know, someone they can have fun with, and look forward to interacting with every time they come." blink. blink. no facial reaction from interviewer... "i guess..." blink. still no reaction. straightens paperwork (including copy of my application).
.
"you know, you're the only person i've interviewed to mention the customers."
.
hold my breath.
.
"that's a good thing."
.
"oh! ok, good."
.
"so, here's what's going to happen. i'm going to call you tomorrow to set up an orientation day, which will also be a paperwork day. we'll probably just start you off as a waitress, then, when you get comfortable, move you to the kitchen and teach you to cook."
.
"yay!" i shout in relief, hopping in my seat, making my tiny blue pigtails bounce.
.
she laughs, and the interview is over. here's hoping this job works out. really, really, really hoping...
.
I GOT A FRIGGIN JOB!!! HUZZAH!!!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
FRANKI'S FAVORITE FILMS: silent eddition
they just don't make movies like they did back in the day. i don't mean back in my day, as those movies, with very few exceptions, also tended to suck. i meant way, way, way back in the day, like in the first days of film, when people were still figuring out the tricks of the trade for the very first time. i'm talking teens, '20s and '30s here, before they knew how to syncronize image and sound, so everything was silent, with occasional title cards to fill in crucial dialogue and other explainations.
back then, an actor really had to know how to act, because they couldn't exactly rely on exposition and social status to offset their horrible skills; they had to be able to tell a story through gesture, expression, and timing (something most actors of today lack, due to being born in the era of "talkies").
so today i decided to pay tibute to this lost art by reviewing my favorite silent films.
NOSFERATU.
i can already hear it, my loyal readers rolling their eyes and grinning to themselves as they think, of course franki would review this one first. and, yeah, i do tend to put a lot of signifigance on this film because it was the first real horror story of its kind. classic horror. (i mean classic horror -- not that the "Exorcist" isn't a classic, it's just a different kind of classic). of course, this story is based on Bram Stoker's "Dracula," though all names had to be changed due to lack of permission to reproduce the story. and no, they didn't change his name to "nosferatu" which is the romanian word for "vampire", but to "count orlock" (though in some more recently restored versions, the title cards were replaced to have all the corresponding character names, so he becomes "count dracula" again). in fact, it follows the story of "Dracula" better than the actual film a few years later of the same name, starring Bela Lugosi (click here to read more about him: http://therandomturtle.blogspot.com/2010/10/bela-lugosi-man-wed-go-necropheliac-for.html ). max shreck (not shrek) stares as the nosferatu (ok, it's just easier to refer to him as the word, especially to those who are not exactly connisseurs of the silent film industry... it's just easier on me, as i do not have to constantly explain), and back then, the actors did all their own make up and prosthetics, so he had to have a great vision of himself as a character, and does some great eye-acting, and his "lurking" scenes are ledgendary.
i can already hear it, my loyal readers rolling their eyes and grinning to themselves as they think, of course franki would review this one first. and, yeah, i do tend to put a lot of signifigance on this film because it was the first real horror story of its kind. classic horror. (i mean classic horror -- not that the "Exorcist" isn't a classic, it's just a different kind of classic). of course, this story is based on Bram Stoker's "Dracula," though all names had to be changed due to lack of permission to reproduce the story. and no, they didn't change his name to "nosferatu" which is the romanian word for "vampire", but to "count orlock" (though in some more recently restored versions, the title cards were replaced to have all the corresponding character names, so he becomes "count dracula" again). in fact, it follows the story of "Dracula" better than the actual film a few years later of the same name, starring Bela Lugosi (click here to read more about him: http://therandomturtle.blogspot.com/2010/10/bela-lugosi-man-wed-go-necropheliac-for.html ). max shreck (not shrek) stares as the nosferatu (ok, it's just easier to refer to him as the word, especially to those who are not exactly connisseurs of the silent film industry... it's just easier on me, as i do not have to constantly explain), and back then, the actors did all their own make up and prosthetics, so he had to have a great vision of himself as a character, and does some great eye-acting, and his "lurking" scenes are ledgendary.
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
this frame of the film was one of THE most groundbreaking moments of film history: the moment Erik the Phantom (though he is never referred to by name in this film) is first unmasked on screen, for the very first premiers, audience members would scream, faint, vomit, and run out of the theater (not all at once). great moment in history. ledgendary lon chaney stars as the phantom, did all his own make up and prosthetics (in fact, there was no make up and prosthetics team for actors till like the '60s, and even then, it was only on big-budget films -- the "star trek" series was among the first low-budget small-screen projects to have this -- unfortunately, they only aided in the application, not the removal, and poor leonnard nimoy... sorry, off-topic...), and he was one of the greatest silent film actors of the era (and, while there may be some fairly compared silent film talent of acting, chaney was probably the greatest of all time). anyone who does not know the story line of "phantom" is truely missing out -- it is not a horror, as people like to claim, because the villain is presented with compassion to the audience. we feel sorry for Erik, and, while not all may agree with his decisions, we can understand why he did them (hypnotize and kidnap the girl -- sure, how else would he get a date? murder joseph boquet -- the dude was spreading rumors about him!! sure, they were true rumors, but still.... why haunt an opera house at all? -- i don't know, but i do know that i really wanna give it a try!). this is one of those stories that people just can't seem to get over. there have been over ten different reincarnations of the phantom, never mind the many, many, many references within other films. this is the one stage production that i really, really, really wanna be involved in, with a leading role (no, not christine, that bunny-fart of a crazy girl -- I wanna be the phantom!)
THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI
a mental mindwarp of a psychological horror. good stuff. would've been tough to see it in theatres back in the day, though -- kinda have to go back and watch it twice to really get it all. ('course, back then, they played showings of the same movie back-to-back-to-back, and if you payed your five cents once and smuggled in some food, you could've just stayed there all day, watching the movie until you had it memorized, picking up on little nuances every new viewing). ok, so there is a magical man in a box in Doctor Caligari's travelling gypsie circus (box=cabinet). he only wakes up every so often, with years between rise-and-shinies. while the circus is in town, there are a string of murders that no one can solve -- the first serial-killer film! and with everything we have in films of the sort today: a set of mysterious circumstances with evidence that the authorities interperate wrong the entire film, until an epiphany in the last quarter, a man with deep regrets, a love interest that serves no purpose but to keep women and little girls from walking out in boredom and/or disturbance, and one of those great twists in the ending. a word on visual graphics: eerie, crooked angles everywhere, makes no bones about the fact that everything's a set, no on-location filming, all sorta through the eyes of a madman, and i can see some aspects that are sure to have influenced Tim Burton, my absolute favorite director, at some time in his impressionable childhood: the crazy angles, of course, the way even mundane objects and settings seem a little off and maybe a bit frightening, and of course character designs for the famous Burton characters, "the Penguin" (his version, at least) and "Edward Scissorhands". very dark, very cool.... (for those in the know....FAKIR!!!)
MODERN TIMES
on a lighter note, after the previous horror-esque films, this is my favorite comedy of the day, starring comedy mastermind, Charlie Chaplin (the only actor of the time, and i think, but don't quote me, of all film history, to ever get the rights to his own character, the Little Tramp, so that he has become non-reproducable or immitatable by law -- the first man to become a rich celebrity through acting). this one starts with him working in a factory in the depression era, where (after a fight with an eating machine, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4sjKJvUia0 , my favorite sequence in the film) he has a nervous breakdown, gets sent to a "sanitarium" (what a forboding word...), comes back having lost his job, goes to jail after a misunderstanding, gets high on crack (YES!!! charlie chaplin on crack!), stops a prison riot and becomes the favorite inmate, gets out with a job recommendation, screws up his jobs, meets up with a cute homeless girl (who actually has a very contemporary look to her), gets back his job at the factory, loses it again, gets a job as a singing waiter (first chaplin film with tiny snippets of sound, but is otherwise silent), and loses his job again, and, my favorite aspect of the film, it is a great movie, wonderful comedy, that does not have a happy ending. oh, it's optomistic, but the two are both out of the job, homeless, and wanted by law, when the Tramp whipes away the girl's tears and says, on his title card, "don't worry, we'll think of something" and they walk down the highway into the sunrise, the girl on his one arm, and his dusty, once-debonaire bamboo cane in the other. sigh. i smile and choke a sob just thinking about it.
so, those are my all-time favorite silent films. hope you liked my review, now friggin' GO TO YOUTUBE AND FIND THEM SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
you won't (or shouldn't) be disappointed.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
"DreamWorks" computer-graphic films -- WHAT the HE**!
okay, anyone who has paid any ammount of close attention to my favorite films (at least the recent ones...) knows that i vastly prefer DreamWorks to that horrid collaboration of Disney/Pixar (idea-stealing, cheeting, too-friggin'-predictable hacks!!).
DreamWorks studios, established 1994, has always been the major producer of "children's" movies that the whole family can enjoy -- they do this by slipping some cultural references and sexual innuendos beneath the pollished computer graphics that kids just overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes.... but with every film, they work harder and harder to keep the adults and teenagers interested (that includes sexual innuendos and cultural references that most kids overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes, and increasing use of curse words).
so, here's my DreamWorks CG film list:
ANTZ (1998)-- the story of, well, a bunch of ants, specifically one guy who wants to get away from the unavoidable social structure of ant world, and a princess who wants more from life than giving birth every three seconds every day until she dies. worst thing in there: a few sexual inuendos, and the phrase "come hell or high water". that's about it. (idea to ANTZ stolen by Pixar to make "A Bug's Life")
"Shrek" (2001) -- story of an ogre who secretly hates being an outcast, a donkey that won't shut up but who ya can't help but love, and a princess who is anything but your typical girl, who i kinda looked up to after seeing her on the big screen at age 9. worst parts: lots of sexual inuendos, a few cultural referances, and the use of the song, "bad reputation" in a fight scene. (Pixar'd decided not to steal this idea -- a decision i'm sure they're kicking themselves over, now!)
"Shrek 2" (2004) -- continuation of "Shrek," after the ogre and the princess got married, and the donkey and the dragon got together, they all go the Far Far Away to perform a screwed-up fairytale "meet the parents" scenario in a fairly hillarious sort of way, introducing Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots (who will have his own movie in 2012... we'll see how that goes...). worst parts: some sexual innuendo, tons of cultural referances, and there were a couple parts where Fairy Godmother had a bit of a foul mouth on her tiny self. (apparantly, Pixar assumed that they couldn't possibly succeed with that messed-up fairytale idea twice... haha! losers!)
"Shark Tale" (2004)-- story of a fish seemingly down on his luck who teams up with a vegetarian shark to make his big brake, and get an Angelina Joile fish girlfriend, leaving the Renee` Zellwegger fish in the watery dust. biggest things here: no cursing, minimal sexual innuendo (only inasmuch as to describe the relationship with the two girl fish and Oscar), loads of cultural references. (Pixar decided not to screw up three times, and took this idea to do "Finding Nemo", which turned out to be a bigger success than "Shark Tale," unfortunately)
"Madagascar" (2005)-- story of a bunch of zoo animals who find themselves kicked out of New York and sent to the real wild, and the lion starts craving friends... his friends... for dinner... No sexual innuendo, only a few cultural references to establish that they're New York animals, and language stops at a few puns and play-on-words. (Pixar stole this storyline almost exactly in "the Wild")
"Over the hedge" (2006) -- about a bunch of woodland animals who emerge from hybernation to find that a suburb had been built in the middle of their forest while they slept, and a raccoon teaches them how to steal human food. yeah, that's it. as for the big things in this movie: there are none. it is very much a kids' movie... and it sucked. (Pixar did not steal this idea, which, unfortunately, was smart thinking on their part, 'cause this one sucked.)
"Shrek the Third" (2007)-- more continuation of the ogre, princess, princess' parents, donkey, dragon, and puss in a boring recollection of how Shrek doesn't want to be a king, a father, or anyone with a real backbone, as he is always whining and fretting. they also changed his design, so that, if you look closely, he's gotten more "handsome" since the first movie: his cheek bones are higher, his eyes are lighter, and he has better teeth. that, and he'd lost a lot of weight over the, what, two weeks since the last movie ended? big things: couple sexual innuendos, few cultural references in relation to high school (a topic that has just been done to death), and a bit of mild language here and there. (after so much dawdelling in the fairy-tale department of Pixar, they just gave up here)
"Bee Movie" (2007)-- about a bee who wants to leave the hive, and when he does, he falls in love with a human girl who saved his life, sues humankind for stealing honey, and majorly screws up the entire ecosystem as a result, and has to fix it by stealing a rose parade float and embracing his inner-bee. that's the movie. (what is the deal with DreamWorks making such assy movies in this time period? bad management?) biggest things: couple innuendos, few cultural references, language maybe once, kinda preachy on "respecting all life"... duh.
"Kung Fu Panda" (2008)-- a panda joins a team and does kung fu the way fat guys do, and eventually gets accepted by his peers. i know a lot of people like this movie, but if it weren't for Jack Black as Po, i probably wouldn't have watched it at all; kung fu movies aren't really my thing. big things: i'm sure theres a few innuendos, though can't recall any cultural references or language -- still appealing more to the kids than adults -- but good animation design; better than it has been.
"Madigascar: Escape 2 Africa" (2008)-- more on the zoo animals in the wild, the lion finds his parents, the zebra finds his brethren, the girraffe finds his calling, and the hippo finds her soul mate in the girraffe (sweetness). the penguins are increasingly psychotic and slightly homicidal (had to be very tamed down for the weekly series which aired on Nickelodian that same year). big things (besides the homicidal penguins): bit more laxed in the language, a few sexual innuendos, almost no cultural references.
"Monsters v. Aliens" (2009)-- a girl grows to be 50 feet tall on her wedding day so her shallow man-whore can deny her, she is kidnapped and taken to a top secret facility where they keep the monsters, and, after a series of strange events, she learns to lover herself as she is -- taller than a mountain. not bad, in terms of entertainment. Hugh Laurie voices for Dr. Cockroach. big stuff: few sexual innuendos, not many cultural referances, lots of language (or suggestion of language).
"How to Train your Dragon" (2010)-- a geeky viking boy finds a dragon, befriends it, trians it, and uses his new knowledge to become popular and get the viking girl. ta-da! not as boring as i just made it sound just now... acutally pretty good. Gerard Butler voices for the guy's giant viking father. big stuff: i can only think of one sexual innuendo, no cultural references except maybe a little bit to high school (but they're digging themselves out of a boring film funk, so i can forgive that), a little more suggestion of language than in the last one.
"Shrek Forever After" (2010)-- CRAP!!! ah, DreamWorks, you were doing so good building yourself back up, then you releas THIS!!! ok, where do i begin.... Shrek is a class-A whimp. Fiona, while the powerful woman i always admire, came off as the emotionally-repressed, yet extreamily angry person that kinda gives of a lesbien vibe that, after my experiences with rumors, i don't feel comfortable relating too much to her new character. Puss is a fat kitty, donkey's just weird and i wanna smack him, dragon is evil, and to top it all off, there's Rumplestiltskin running the show with the most annoying voice in existance. big stuff: lots of sexual innuend0, very little cultural reference, and a bit of outright language, no suggestion about it.
"Megamind" (2010)-- okay, they rebounded well here. of course i like this movie. bad guy wins, creates new good guy to have a purpose, screws up, must become good guy himself, gets girl... ta! bit of sexual innuendo here and there, cultural reference limited to comic book culture, and occasional language. (Pixar seemed to remember at the last minute, hey these guys used to have really good ideas! lets take this one! and they made "Despicable Me". cute, a bit predictable, but i admit, i find it hard to hate any movie from a supervillain's point of view)
"Rango" (2011)-- kind of boring on the surface, as i went in expecting another somewhat kid-oriented film (hello! talking lizards! western movie setting!), but it was a lot more in-depth than a lot of their films, and and philosophy played a big role in the plot. true, Johnny Depp did do the voice of Rango, and he usually picks some good roles, so i decided, ok lets do this thing. ya really have to pay attention to the twists and turns in the story to get it all, though. and, i won't give anything away here, but the dream sequences looked like they were inspired by Salvadore Dhali's surrealist pictures. big stuff: mild sexual innuendo, culteral references to theater, western as a film genre, and some suggestion of alcahol ('cause it's a western...). as for language: all-friggin-out! tons of uses of "hell," "damn," "son of a *squck*" and the occasional "shit." wow, DreamWorks... you under new management, or something? is this the kind of films we can expect from future works? i kinda hope that, if it does reflect future works, they are a bit more interesting between plot developments, and don't start quite as slow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs88zTvplus this is a "Bum Review" of "Rango" if you are interested.
ok, that's my rant for now! bye! go watch some movies!
DreamWorks studios, established 1994, has always been the major producer of "children's" movies that the whole family can enjoy -- they do this by slipping some cultural references and sexual innuendos beneath the pollished computer graphics that kids just overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes.... but with every film, they work harder and harder to keep the adults and teenagers interested (that includes sexual innuendos and cultural references that most kids overlook untill they're old enough to get the jokes, and increasing use of curse words).
so, here's my DreamWorks CG film list:
ANTZ (1998)-- the story of, well, a bunch of ants, specifically one guy who wants to get away from the unavoidable social structure of ant world, and a princess who wants more from life than giving birth every three seconds every day until she dies. worst thing in there: a few sexual inuendos, and the phrase "come hell or high water". that's about it. (idea to ANTZ stolen by Pixar to make "A Bug's Life")
"Shrek" (2001) -- story of an ogre who secretly hates being an outcast, a donkey that won't shut up but who ya can't help but love, and a princess who is anything but your typical girl, who i kinda looked up to after seeing her on the big screen at age 9. worst parts: lots of sexual inuendos, a few cultural referances, and the use of the song, "bad reputation" in a fight scene. (Pixar'd decided not to steal this idea -- a decision i'm sure they're kicking themselves over, now!)
"Shrek 2" (2004) -- continuation of "Shrek," after the ogre and the princess got married, and the donkey and the dragon got together, they all go the Far Far Away to perform a screwed-up fairytale "meet the parents" scenario in a fairly hillarious sort of way, introducing Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots (who will have his own movie in 2012... we'll see how that goes...). worst parts: some sexual innuendo, tons of cultural referances, and there were a couple parts where Fairy Godmother had a bit of a foul mouth on her tiny self. (apparantly, Pixar assumed that they couldn't possibly succeed with that messed-up fairytale idea twice... haha! losers!)
"Shark Tale" (2004)-- story of a fish seemingly down on his luck who teams up with a vegetarian shark to make his big brake, and get an Angelina Joile fish girlfriend, leaving the Renee` Zellwegger fish in the watery dust. biggest things here: no cursing, minimal sexual innuendo (only inasmuch as to describe the relationship with the two girl fish and Oscar), loads of cultural references. (Pixar decided not to screw up three times, and took this idea to do "Finding Nemo", which turned out to be a bigger success than "Shark Tale," unfortunately)
"Madagascar" (2005)-- story of a bunch of zoo animals who find themselves kicked out of New York and sent to the real wild, and the lion starts craving friends... his friends... for dinner... No sexual innuendo, only a few cultural references to establish that they're New York animals, and language stops at a few puns and play-on-words. (Pixar stole this storyline almost exactly in "the Wild")
"Over the hedge" (2006) -- about a bunch of woodland animals who emerge from hybernation to find that a suburb had been built in the middle of their forest while they slept, and a raccoon teaches them how to steal human food. yeah, that's it. as for the big things in this movie: there are none. it is very much a kids' movie... and it sucked. (Pixar did not steal this idea, which, unfortunately, was smart thinking on their part, 'cause this one sucked.)
"Shrek the Third" (2007)-- more continuation of the ogre, princess, princess' parents, donkey, dragon, and puss in a boring recollection of how Shrek doesn't want to be a king, a father, or anyone with a real backbone, as he is always whining and fretting. they also changed his design, so that, if you look closely, he's gotten more "handsome" since the first movie: his cheek bones are higher, his eyes are lighter, and he has better teeth. that, and he'd lost a lot of weight over the, what, two weeks since the last movie ended? big things: couple sexual innuendos, few cultural references in relation to high school (a topic that has just been done to death), and a bit of mild language here and there. (after so much dawdelling in the fairy-tale department of Pixar, they just gave up here)
"Bee Movie" (2007)-- about a bee who wants to leave the hive, and when he does, he falls in love with a human girl who saved his life, sues humankind for stealing honey, and majorly screws up the entire ecosystem as a result, and has to fix it by stealing a rose parade float and embracing his inner-bee. that's the movie. (what is the deal with DreamWorks making such assy movies in this time period? bad management?) biggest things: couple innuendos, few cultural references, language maybe once, kinda preachy on "respecting all life"... duh.
"Kung Fu Panda" (2008)-- a panda joins a team and does kung fu the way fat guys do, and eventually gets accepted by his peers. i know a lot of people like this movie, but if it weren't for Jack Black as Po, i probably wouldn't have watched it at all; kung fu movies aren't really my thing. big things: i'm sure theres a few innuendos, though can't recall any cultural references or language -- still appealing more to the kids than adults -- but good animation design; better than it has been.
"Madigascar: Escape 2 Africa" (2008)-- more on the zoo animals in the wild, the lion finds his parents, the zebra finds his brethren, the girraffe finds his calling, and the hippo finds her soul mate in the girraffe (sweetness). the penguins are increasingly psychotic and slightly homicidal (had to be very tamed down for the weekly series which aired on Nickelodian that same year). big things (besides the homicidal penguins): bit more laxed in the language, a few sexual innuendos, almost no cultural references.
"Monsters v. Aliens" (2009)-- a girl grows to be 50 feet tall on her wedding day so her shallow man-whore can deny her, she is kidnapped and taken to a top secret facility where they keep the monsters, and, after a series of strange events, she learns to lover herself as she is -- taller than a mountain. not bad, in terms of entertainment. Hugh Laurie voices for Dr. Cockroach. big stuff: few sexual innuendos, not many cultural referances, lots of language (or suggestion of language).
"How to Train your Dragon" (2010)-- a geeky viking boy finds a dragon, befriends it, trians it, and uses his new knowledge to become popular and get the viking girl. ta-da! not as boring as i just made it sound just now... acutally pretty good. Gerard Butler voices for the guy's giant viking father. big stuff: i can only think of one sexual innuendo, no cultural references except maybe a little bit to high school (but they're digging themselves out of a boring film funk, so i can forgive that), a little more suggestion of language than in the last one.
"Shrek Forever After" (2010)-- CRAP!!! ah, DreamWorks, you were doing so good building yourself back up, then you releas THIS!!! ok, where do i begin.... Shrek is a class-A whimp. Fiona, while the powerful woman i always admire, came off as the emotionally-repressed, yet extreamily angry person that kinda gives of a lesbien vibe that, after my experiences with rumors, i don't feel comfortable relating too much to her new character. Puss is a fat kitty, donkey's just weird and i wanna smack him, dragon is evil, and to top it all off, there's Rumplestiltskin running the show with the most annoying voice in existance. big stuff: lots of sexual innuend0, very little cultural reference, and a bit of outright language, no suggestion about it.
"Megamind" (2010)-- okay, they rebounded well here. of course i like this movie. bad guy wins, creates new good guy to have a purpose, screws up, must become good guy himself, gets girl... ta! bit of sexual innuendo here and there, cultural reference limited to comic book culture, and occasional language. (Pixar seemed to remember at the last minute, hey these guys used to have really good ideas! lets take this one! and they made "Despicable Me". cute, a bit predictable, but i admit, i find it hard to hate any movie from a supervillain's point of view)
"Rango" (2011)-- kind of boring on the surface, as i went in expecting another somewhat kid-oriented film (hello! talking lizards! western movie setting!), but it was a lot more in-depth than a lot of their films, and and philosophy played a big role in the plot. true, Johnny Depp did do the voice of Rango, and he usually picks some good roles, so i decided, ok lets do this thing. ya really have to pay attention to the twists and turns in the story to get it all, though. and, i won't give anything away here, but the dream sequences looked like they were inspired by Salvadore Dhali's surrealist pictures. big stuff: mild sexual innuendo, culteral references to theater, western as a film genre, and some suggestion of alcahol ('cause it's a western...). as for language: all-friggin-out! tons of uses of "hell," "damn," "son of a *squck*" and the occasional "shit." wow, DreamWorks... you under new management, or something? is this the kind of films we can expect from future works? i kinda hope that, if it does reflect future works, they are a bit more interesting between plot developments, and don't start quite as slow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs88zTvplus this is a "Bum Review" of "Rango" if you are interested.
ok, that's my rant for now! bye! go watch some movies!
Monday, March 14, 2011
nouns that piss me off
a noun can be either a person, place, thing, or idea. here are the nouns of each category that piss me off.
PEOPLE
1. a complete jerk-wad i went to high school with who shall henceforth be referred to as Stuck-Up Preppy Ass-face, SUPA for short (pronounced more like "supper", not "super"). he started out as my best friend (for, like, a year, which is about as long as all my "best friends" last -- except Lord Semaj, who is now going on two years, but to refer to him as merely a "best friend", at least as how i determine one to be, would be an insult... neither time nor place), and was actually an ok guy -- odd, extravorted freak obsessed with broadway shows -- then something went wrong, and he became... mainstream (pardon my french)! he told me at the beginning of high school that i had to be more normal (again, with the french) so that i would not embarrass him like last year... according to my memory, i wasn't the one who threw a chair at the school photographer because he didn't want to lift his chin... neither here nor there... but i tried, because i didn't want to become friendless. sunk into a real depression for supressing my true oddness, and finally realized that a true friend wouldn't want to change me (well, maybe as much as "please don't say that, anymore, it's annoying", but not as much as "i hate your personality, and would prefer you to be a completely different person") and rebelled by coming to school in my favorite cape and combat boots with about eight braids in my hair, and started singing "we're not gonna take it!" when he criticized me for standing out too much. we've hated each other ever since. now he's a prep with no friends and expensive, pre-ripped abercrombie pants. and i'm a total geek with friends who love me and wouldn't ever change me, except for the better, and an entire collection of capes, masks, and tiny bells. who's the loser, now?!
2. my dad. not the one who has adopted me, the one who emotionally abandoned me, before destroying my ability to readily trust. sure, the one who's around now i don't always get along with (but, really, who does get along with their parents all the time?), but at least he is around. that makes him more of a parent than my biological slut-bunny, alcohol-tard of an ejaculation. i've cut off all possible communication with him over a year ago (not that he was begging for "quality time" the previous decade and a half), but every so often i still think of him, all the crap he'd put me through, and the wound reopens, tearing the scar tissue of my heart, and it takes days to heal back up, and in that time i regress to my angry, distrustful state i'd been before (incidentally, the full two and a half years that followed the fallout with the SUPA). sometimes, i even cry.
PLACES
1. gyms. whether it be the jr. high or high school gymnasium, or a place where people exercise and lift weights, the moment i enter, a lump fills my throat, and i feel completely inadequite and assy as compared to everyone else in there (think the volleyball sequences of the opening credits of "Daria", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxTqEJgdNXU&feature=related ... i like Daria).
2. grocery markets. don't really know why. just annoys me.
THINGS
1. G-strings -- not the musical kinds, but the ass-crawling kind. if a girl wants to wear one, go for it, but i don't wanna friggin' see it! what goes up your ass is none of my business! if it were, i'd be interviewing every guy your slut-bunny-butt has slept with during a drunken stupor. i swear, every time i see a G-string sticking outa someone's crack (non-gender-specific), i just wanna kick them in the face!
2. those new l.e.d. siren lights on top of the cop cars, now. makes them too hard to identify at a distance. i swear, it's like the cop car from some 80's flick mated with Kit from "Night Rider", and that l.e.d. car was the unprotected result...
IDEAS
1. normalcy -- there is no such thing! why are people so desperate to join it? there's nothing like becoming a part of nothing, and even if you succeeded, normal people are alwasys forgotten. those who are now famous, chances are, have never been normal. so, what's the glamour in normalcy? it's dumb!
2. heroism -- too subjective. this culture's heroes are another culture's assassins!! and what makes a hero? the too-bigness-for britches (that's why they wear tights) behavior and self-glorification that all famous heroes show? or overcoming past failures and bettering yourself at whatever the cost, which is more of a "villain" thing?
ok, have to stop, now. am pissing myself off.
what nouns piss you off?
PEOPLE
1. a complete jerk-wad i went to high school with who shall henceforth be referred to as Stuck-Up Preppy Ass-face, SUPA for short (pronounced more like "supper", not "super"). he started out as my best friend (for, like, a year, which is about as long as all my "best friends" last -- except Lord Semaj, who is now going on two years, but to refer to him as merely a "best friend", at least as how i determine one to be, would be an insult... neither time nor place), and was actually an ok guy -- odd, extravorted freak obsessed with broadway shows -- then something went wrong, and he became... mainstream (pardon my french)! he told me at the beginning of high school that i had to be more normal (again, with the french) so that i would not embarrass him like last year... according to my memory, i wasn't the one who threw a chair at the school photographer because he didn't want to lift his chin... neither here nor there... but i tried, because i didn't want to become friendless. sunk into a real depression for supressing my true oddness, and finally realized that a true friend wouldn't want to change me (well, maybe as much as "please don't say that, anymore, it's annoying", but not as much as "i hate your personality, and would prefer you to be a completely different person") and rebelled by coming to school in my favorite cape and combat boots with about eight braids in my hair, and started singing "we're not gonna take it!" when he criticized me for standing out too much. we've hated each other ever since. now he's a prep with no friends and expensive, pre-ripped abercrombie pants. and i'm a total geek with friends who love me and wouldn't ever change me, except for the better, and an entire collection of capes, masks, and tiny bells. who's the loser, now?!
2. my dad. not the one who has adopted me, the one who emotionally abandoned me, before destroying my ability to readily trust. sure, the one who's around now i don't always get along with (but, really, who does get along with their parents all the time?), but at least he is around. that makes him more of a parent than my biological slut-bunny, alcohol-tard of an ejaculation. i've cut off all possible communication with him over a year ago (not that he was begging for "quality time" the previous decade and a half), but every so often i still think of him, all the crap he'd put me through, and the wound reopens, tearing the scar tissue of my heart, and it takes days to heal back up, and in that time i regress to my angry, distrustful state i'd been before (incidentally, the full two and a half years that followed the fallout with the SUPA). sometimes, i even cry.
PLACES
1. gyms. whether it be the jr. high or high school gymnasium, or a place where people exercise and lift weights, the moment i enter, a lump fills my throat, and i feel completely inadequite and assy as compared to everyone else in there (think the volleyball sequences of the opening credits of "Daria", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxTqEJgdNXU&feature=related ... i like Daria).
2. grocery markets. don't really know why. just annoys me.
THINGS
1. G-strings -- not the musical kinds, but the ass-crawling kind. if a girl wants to wear one, go for it, but i don't wanna friggin' see it! what goes up your ass is none of my business! if it were, i'd be interviewing every guy your slut-bunny-butt has slept with during a drunken stupor. i swear, every time i see a G-string sticking outa someone's crack (non-gender-specific), i just wanna kick them in the face!
2. those new l.e.d. siren lights on top of the cop cars, now. makes them too hard to identify at a distance. i swear, it's like the cop car from some 80's flick mated with Kit from "Night Rider", and that l.e.d. car was the unprotected result...
IDEAS
1. normalcy -- there is no such thing! why are people so desperate to join it? there's nothing like becoming a part of nothing, and even if you succeeded, normal people are alwasys forgotten. those who are now famous, chances are, have never been normal. so, what's the glamour in normalcy? it's dumb!
2. heroism -- too subjective. this culture's heroes are another culture's assassins!! and what makes a hero? the too-bigness-for britches (that's why they wear tights) behavior and self-glorification that all famous heroes show? or overcoming past failures and bettering yourself at whatever the cost, which is more of a "villain" thing?
ok, have to stop, now. am pissing myself off.
what nouns piss you off?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
SWEET SCHEIZER AND HUZZAH!
first off, i should appologise for recent silences... but, no, i won't, 'cause apologizing so much is making my sorry-box ache.
now that i have that out of the way, i want to offer up a recent victory in my own realm: after weeks of griping and moaning that "i really need to get some real drumsticks," i have finally scraped together enough money to actually do so!
my internet research had mislead me; everything i'd found when googling drumstick prices, they always seemed quite expensive (the smallest monetary value for a pair of quality drumsticks came out to be $18.50), however, when i'd finally took the initiative to go to the nearest music shop to price some real ones, they ranged anywhere from $3 (for child's-first-instrument type sticks) to $8 (for fancy, sparkly ones). i settled on a pair of simple, non-varnished pine, 13.5 inch, teardrop vynal-tipped 5B drumsticks for $4.
i have named them Ziggy and Lars.
as of yet, i still have no, you know, drums to practice on, but why get ahead of myself? i have buckets galore, some pot-lids for cymbals, and a pair of perfectly good snare-hat boxes (that i actually bum from Lord Semaj when we jam).
so, yeah... sweet scheizer and huzzah for my sticks!!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
P-A feb 4: JOIN ME!!!
there is a sad beauty about an abandoned, run-down old building. it makes me cry on the inside to think that it will never again be to the level of its former glory. however, abandoned buildings are key to surviving the post-apocalypse. they provide shelter, and an unassuming camouflage in which one can hide among the rubble of distruction littering the planet's face.
small town in which i live, there are few abandoned buildings to choose from; pretty much, there's an old hardware store and an abandoned movie theater. given the choices, i'm going to say i prefer the abandoned movie theater; fewer windows means less chance of being discovered by undead soldiors... that, and i just love the look and feel of that old theater.
quick history: this theater was built in the mid to late sixties, and has been closed and decaying since the early eighties. within the last decade, a "preservation society" was put together to restore it to its former glory. (put "preservation society" in quotations because i have the conspiracy theory that they're only in it for the money; the moment they reached some major status -- so that all charitable contributions are tax deductable -- in 2007, they haven't done a DAMN THING!!! and even before then, all they did was wash the ticket booth window and repair the monicker... that takes care of the outside, but the inside is still a non-functioning, rotting shell of the wonderous world it once was.)
anyway, my proposal: as there does not appear to be any continued interfearance from the so-called "preservation society", it would appear opportune to set up a base of operations in the theater's auditorium (and projection room, if it is not too condemned), make it my home-away-from-home, use it to start preparing for the fallout, and also just because i've been wanting to go inside my whole life.
join me! help me break into the abandoned theater, and join me in preparing for the worst (and have a good time doing so in the mean time!)
that is all for Post-Apocalyptic February. i hope you liked it!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!
small town in which i live, there are few abandoned buildings to choose from; pretty much, there's an old hardware store and an abandoned movie theater. given the choices, i'm going to say i prefer the abandoned movie theater; fewer windows means less chance of being discovered by undead soldiors... that, and i just love the look and feel of that old theater.
quick history: this theater was built in the mid to late sixties, and has been closed and decaying since the early eighties. within the last decade, a "preservation society" was put together to restore it to its former glory. (put "preservation society" in quotations because i have the conspiracy theory that they're only in it for the money; the moment they reached some major status -- so that all charitable contributions are tax deductable -- in 2007, they haven't done a DAMN THING!!! and even before then, all they did was wash the ticket booth window and repair the monicker... that takes care of the outside, but the inside is still a non-functioning, rotting shell of the wonderous world it once was.)
anyway, my proposal: as there does not appear to be any continued interfearance from the so-called "preservation society", it would appear opportune to set up a base of operations in the theater's auditorium (and projection room, if it is not too condemned), make it my home-away-from-home, use it to start preparing for the fallout, and also just because i've been wanting to go inside my whole life.
join me! help me break into the abandoned theater, and join me in preparing for the worst (and have a good time doing so in the mean time!)
that is all for Post-Apocalyptic February. i hope you liked it!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!
Friday, February 25, 2011
P-A feb 3: mini-post-apocalyptic survival guide.
we all know the world will eventually end, but we don't know when; best get ready NOW!! here is a mini-survival guide to help you pack for the apocalypse fallout.
THE OBVIOUS STUFF:
- clothes (layers are very important; they can protect you from the sun's harmful un-ozoned rays, as well as the winter chill; you don't want to cary more than one spare shirt or pants because the stuff tends to get bulky; must have a very durable jacket, like leather or lined denim)
- weapons (avoid things that require a constant inflow of ammunition, like guns, flamethrowers, bazookas, and the like, as ammo is hard to come by when wandering the road; if you do happen to find a gun, save it for absolute emergencies; scavanger weapons include: bow and arrows, knives, swords, blunt instruments, and slingshots with versatile pouches)
- food (if you're starting to pack now, get things with a long shelf life; yes, canned foods do tend to last for friggin' ever, but do not travel well; dehydrated or packaged items, like protine or granola bars, which also last much longer than anyone would want them too, are the best choices for a wasteland traveller; start collecting tiny packets of ketchup, mustard, mayo, bbq sauce, and honey now, because you're going to want something to flavor all those granola bars)
- packing device (sturdy backpack, messanger bag, army bag, utility belt, etc.; something easy to carry that packs a load of stuff)
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS STUFF
- lots of extra socks, extra pair of shoes (with all the walking, socks will be a commodoty, and in times of war, people have been known to kill for a pair of shoes; it's good to have extras on hand, to prepare for the worst)
- first aid kit (includes band-aids, gauze, wrap and splint, antibiotic ointment, aloe, lotion; fits easily into one medium size pocket in whatever packing device you choose)
- hygine materials (soap, toothbrush and paste; again, people have been known to kill for less)
-scarf, do rag, or scissors (as a road wanderer has better things to worry about than making sure their hair looks nice -- you know, like, survive)
- 2 hats (one wide-brimmed for sunny days, one insulated for cold days)
- disguise material (if you do the fallout right, you'll doubtless work up a reputation; you'll want to enter a community setting to stock up on supplies without everyone you meet wanting to kill you)
- tokens from the past (any small, mundane material, like photos, a book, or small object with a memory behind it; in a world like this, you're going to want to reminesce in the wee hours, take out your tokens, and hold them close as though it could bring the past back to the present; that's how it happens in the movies, anyway)
so, i hope you found this mini-guide helpful, and that you're able to find all your supplies before the end, for it is near!
stay tuned for the final P-A feb article: JOIN ME!!!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!!
THE OBVIOUS STUFF:
- clothes (layers are very important; they can protect you from the sun's harmful un-ozoned rays, as well as the winter chill; you don't want to cary more than one spare shirt or pants because the stuff tends to get bulky; must have a very durable jacket, like leather or lined denim)
- weapons (avoid things that require a constant inflow of ammunition, like guns, flamethrowers, bazookas, and the like, as ammo is hard to come by when wandering the road; if you do happen to find a gun, save it for absolute emergencies; scavanger weapons include: bow and arrows, knives, swords, blunt instruments, and slingshots with versatile pouches)
- food (if you're starting to pack now, get things with a long shelf life; yes, canned foods do tend to last for friggin' ever, but do not travel well; dehydrated or packaged items, like protine or granola bars, which also last much longer than anyone would want them too, are the best choices for a wasteland traveller; start collecting tiny packets of ketchup, mustard, mayo, bbq sauce, and honey now, because you're going to want something to flavor all those granola bars)
- packing device (sturdy backpack, messanger bag, army bag, utility belt, etc.; something easy to carry that packs a load of stuff)
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS STUFF
- lots of extra socks, extra pair of shoes (with all the walking, socks will be a commodoty, and in times of war, people have been known to kill for a pair of shoes; it's good to have extras on hand, to prepare for the worst)
- first aid kit (includes band-aids, gauze, wrap and splint, antibiotic ointment, aloe, lotion; fits easily into one medium size pocket in whatever packing device you choose)
- hygine materials (soap, toothbrush and paste; again, people have been known to kill for less)
-scarf, do rag, or scissors (as a road wanderer has better things to worry about than making sure their hair looks nice -- you know, like, survive)
- 2 hats (one wide-brimmed for sunny days, one insulated for cold days)
- disguise material (if you do the fallout right, you'll doubtless work up a reputation; you'll want to enter a community setting to stock up on supplies without everyone you meet wanting to kill you)
- tokens from the past (any small, mundane material, like photos, a book, or small object with a memory behind it; in a world like this, you're going to want to reminesce in the wee hours, take out your tokens, and hold them close as though it could bring the past back to the present; that's how it happens in the movies, anyway)
so, i hope you found this mini-guide helpful, and that you're able to find all your supplies before the end, for it is near!
stay tuned for the final P-A feb article: JOIN ME!!!
EMBRACE THE FALLOUT!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
P-A feb 2: my favorite post-apocalyptic films
appologies, loyal reader(s), for my silence throughout the majority of this dreaded month. quite busy in the ways of college (i wish the world would just end already, so i wouldn't have to do any more school work!)
today, i am going to post and esplain my favorite post-apocalyptic genre films. read them. love them. watch them. then bow down before me as your queen of the wasteland!!! mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!...... er, i mean, tell me what ya think.
"WALL-E"despite this being both a Disney and Pixar film (i.e. produced by a double-band of swindlers and theives), as well as C.G. (overrated and too expensive), it's actually pretty good. the first half of it, in the wasteland, is pretty much a silent film (a lost art these days), and there's some great, haunting imagery in what was once new york city. the second half is more sci-fi (nothing against it; love it, in fact, though it's mixing genres and makes it hard to talk about in a post-apocalyptic sens). it's all about this garbage-compactor robot, (WALL-E) the only one left un-scrapped, who continues compacting and stacking cubes of garbage for nigh on 700 years, just because he doesn't know he can stop -- that is, till he meets EVE, the beautiful, high-tech, carreer driven egg-shaped bot who barely aknowledges his existance. the whole story revolves around his attempts to win her affection, while she attempts to protect the last plant in existance.
meh, on the love story, awesome on the settings, rock-on, on the 2000: Space Odessey referances. love that movie.
"Tank Girl"a triumph of '90's grunge (guiltily admit i love it). a comet has hit the earth, and water has become a commodity. after escaping the evil water-tycoon's cyborg grasp, Tank Girl and Jet Girl (no kidding) wander out into the dessert in search of a little girl who has been sold to the whorehous (no kidding). they are later taken custudy of, and later, partner with the Rippers, a band of ass-kicking kangaroo-human ninjas (no kidding), and they all band together to infiltrate Water and Power, take down the tycoon, and rescue the little girl. oh, and Tank and Jet get kangaroo boyfriends (...no kidding).
great australian comic book premise, awesome post-apocalyptic multi-media fashion, and great punky music that you'd probably hate. all in all, Tank Girl friggin' rocks!!!
"Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome"first off, the other Mad Max movies suck. just sayin'.
Mad Max, after wandering through the waste, finds himself at a small, cobbled-together society called Barter Town, which has electricity and running machines, and appears to be run by Tina Turner, but, underground in a major pig sty, shovelling piggy-poop into furnaces so that the town can run on methane, is the real head of Barter Town: MasterBlaster (Master is the super-smart dwarf riding on the shoulders of super-strong, yet retarded, Blaster -- brains and brawn). after going up against Blaster in the Thunderdome (a cage in which death battles are held, so as to avoid war), but refusing to kill him, Max is sentanced to wander the waste for going back on his deal with Tina Turner. he ends up in this villiage of children who have raised themselves, and created a religious mythology around the bits of pre-apocalyptic stuff left behind by the adults (it's actually kinda hillarious, while a little bit sad... like pathetic, not like boo-hoo). Max uses these kids to rescue the imprisioned Master and deliver them all to Tomorrow-morrow-land, or Sidney, Australia after the apocalypse (why do so many of these stories take place in Australia?), before continuing his wandering.
"The Postman"a guy takes refuge from people hunting him down in a mail truck, and takes the skelleton's jacket and sachel when he leaves. he uses letters in his sack to bluff his way into the next town he finds, telling them that a government has been re-established, and spilling all this b.s. about what a wonderful place it is going to be when things get started... he mostly just wants a hot meal and a horse so he can get outa there and back to his lonesome state. but when he impregnates a girl who gets kidnapped by the men tracking him down, he has no choice but to take Ford (the only black kid in the whole movie) and his new "government official" status and rescue her, then continue building the lines of communication accross the broken world by creating an actual postal service. eventually, life restores. happy ending.
"9"i love this one. it's a little out there, so bear with me as i explain: a man creates nine burlap rag dolls, and gives each of them a piece of his soul so that they can keep the world going after the machine he has created kills every living thing in the world and ate their souls. with me so far? good. the last one, 9 (each doll's name is the number they were created), finds his way to the ragdoll community, where he meets 1, the narrow-minded leader, 2, an older guy with a nack for scavanging and inventing, 3 and 4, twins (made from gloves) who catalogue and research everything the humans have left behind, 5, a one-eyed cartographer, 6, a half-crazed artist with visions of the future (character design based on Tim Burton, co-producer of the film), 7, the female adventurer who kicks butt faster than any of the others, and 8, a muscle-bound idiot addicted to magnet. 9 inadvertantly wakes up the killing machine his father first created, who then procedes to hunt each and every one of the ragdolls down, killing them and eating their souls, sending odd creations to take them down, then finally chasing them itself. in the end, the machine finally dies, and all that are left in the gang are 2, 3, 7, and 9. all's well that ends well. great steam-punk images, and love the misplaced time period.
ok, i hope you enjoyed these post-apocalyptic films, and hope you watch a couple -- they're pretty good. EMBRACE THE WASTELAND!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
P-Afeb 1: preceeding the post-apocalypse (which is, um, the apocalypse)
just about every culture in existance has an apocalyptic prediction. some are in accordance with each other, while others are more unique. it's interesting study, but when it comes down to truth, they can't all be right!
MYAN 2012 APOCALYPSE
take the most famous prediction, made more and more famous all the time, by the Myans. they were expert time-keepers, could follow the sun, moon, and stars to figure out exactly where they were in the decade, year, month, and day. (it's a shame that a culture with so much brain-power were still making human sacrafices) one of their greatest inventions was that of the "calander", which ends on (if you don't know the rest of the sentance by now, you are thick!!) December 21, 2012.
there is a large, almost cult-like following of the Myan "Apocalypse" calander. it is assumed by the public that the main calander maker was in some sort of trance, caught glimpses of the future, which, supposedly, includes a meteor shower or solar flare, something of the like, then made the calander on the floor of his favorite room to warn future generations. i, however, think it went more like this:
"hey, boss, we're running out of tiles, here! can i stop?"
"well, what year are you on, now?"
"uh, 2012."
"2012?! surely people can find more tiles by then to keep it going! do you have enough to finnish off the year?"
"all but ten days of it."
"eh, close enough! come on, sacrafices start in an hour."
that's my theory, anyway.
HOPI APOCALYPSE
almost as famous are the ancient Hopi Indians. according the knowledge-gettin' places, their supposed prophesies declare that the beginning of the end of days is by the coming of the white man ('course, look at it from their point of view, i can see how that would seem like the end of the world, the way they were treated), rail roads and highways ("iron snakes and stone rivers that cross the land"), the internet ("giant spider's web the criss-crosses the whole world), and the recent oil spills ("seas that turn black").
the actual Hopi apocalypse includes a blue star from the heavens "falling to the earth with a crash" (i have no idea what "blue star" actually means, whether it's a metaphore for something, like the iron snake thing, or if blue stars are actually scientiffically concievable), followed by major earthquakes, WWIII with large battles in desserts, and the coming of Pahana, a prophet teacher to usher in the new age.
sounds good. bit of a retrospect bias in there, but i can dig it, just as long as Pahana=Jesus.
NOSTRADAMUS APOCALYPSE
here's another famous one you might've heard of: the "prophesies" of Nostradamus, which declare WWIII beginning in July of 1999 (which i don't really recall happening; even an 8-year-old would notice a world war during the commercials of "Pinkie and the Brain"), and the coming of the Third Antichrist (apparantly, Hitler was the second, and i can't find record of the first), whether this means his coming into power, or into the World.
i'm not well-versed enough in world politics to have an idea which power-pusher would be the Big A, but if he were in power already, i'm sure everyone would be shoving it down my throat, all about how great he is, how he's going bring world peace (as the Great Deciever, according to every culture with this apocolyptic aspect, will be celebrated, not feared). however, if he were born a Sagitarious in 1999, except for the occasional "prodegy" reports, we wouldn't hear from him, probably, for at least another 20 years (unless he pulls a "Damien" thing).
still, most of his prophesies are only made sense of in a hindsight bias -- it already happened, now we understand what he was talking about! we should've known exactly where and when Hitler was going to be born! we know now that we already knew that the 9/11 attack was going to happen! .... so, why didn't anyone do anything to stop it ahead of time? churns my butter, man. even if his predictions are real and God-based as he claimed, there's no point in giving prophesies if no one is going to listen to them until ten to fifty years after the fact!
"WEB-BOT PROJECT" APOCALYPSE
looking to the modernization of apocalyptic, we look to the "Web-Bot project", initiated in 1990. it swims through the internet, checking out page after page, picking out patterns in web chatter, originally to predict stock market patterns, but, according to its programmers and the millions of conspiracy theorists in its following, the Bot had other plans: that of predicting disasters. again, in a hindsight bias, it is sworn to have predicted the 9/11 attack (but no action was taken to prevent it), the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami (ditto), and some sort of "cataclysmic disaster" occuring on 12/21/12 (probably due to all the Myan Apocalypse blogs out ther; not hard to figure that one out), with a four-month period of complete electrical communication silence following (did people just schedule their lives around the apocalypse? how else would it be able to decide that?), picking up again in mid-April, 2013. sounds like a fallout to me! that's my favorite part!
CHRISTIAN APOCALYPSE
it's sad to learn that this is not a very popular apocalyptic theory. had to do four google searches just to find some catalogued information that made it a little more clear to understand than the thee's, thou's, and 'tst's in my bible. (still not sure any of the information i found was helpful...)
the first big sign is Israel land fights being over, which happened somewhere in the 1940's. other than that, there's some others that i find too confusing to place (and no one out there is helping me!), other than God told Noah that the next time he destroyed the Earth, it would be with fire (which, you know, could mean solar flare, meteorites, volcano, war...), and that no one, not even Jesus, knows the exact time it will happen (which, for me, kinda rules out 12/21/12).
you know about the Antichrist -- i hope everyone does.
Tribulation can be described as the whole Apocalyptic process: the Antichrist's playtime with his accumulated followers, the big disaster, the final countdown before God takes over (in whatever order).
the big thing that sets the Christian apocalypse apart from all the others is the aspect of the Rapture -- that is, when Jesus returns to Earth to escourt all the Christians to Heaven without having to die first. there is some dispute about when during the Tribulation this will occur; the "Left Behind" films suggest pre-Trib. rapture, while others side with post-Trib. mid-Trib is also a choice, but it's too inexact to talk about. personally, i'm hoping for mid- to post-Trib, to get some of the disaster fallout action (not upto me, of course, but a girl can hope).
i hope you enjoyed this entery, and hope the educational elements have not turned you off to the rest of Post-Apocalyptic February -- it gets more fun, but just felt needed to address this before i did anything.
happy P-A feb, everybody! embrace the fallout...
(warning: very long, somewhat educational, but sliced into sections... not feelin' it? skip to last section, is most important of the bunch, anyway)
MYAN 2012 APOCALYPSE
take the most famous prediction, made more and more famous all the time, by the Myans. they were expert time-keepers, could follow the sun, moon, and stars to figure out exactly where they were in the decade, year, month, and day. (it's a shame that a culture with so much brain-power were still making human sacrafices) one of their greatest inventions was that of the "calander", which ends on (if you don't know the rest of the sentance by now, you are thick!!) December 21, 2012.
there is a large, almost cult-like following of the Myan "Apocalypse" calander. it is assumed by the public that the main calander maker was in some sort of trance, caught glimpses of the future, which, supposedly, includes a meteor shower or solar flare, something of the like, then made the calander on the floor of his favorite room to warn future generations. i, however, think it went more like this:
"hey, boss, we're running out of tiles, here! can i stop?"
"well, what year are you on, now?"
"uh, 2012."
"2012?! surely people can find more tiles by then to keep it going! do you have enough to finnish off the year?"
"all but ten days of it."
"eh, close enough! come on, sacrafices start in an hour."
that's my theory, anyway.
HOPI APOCALYPSE
almost as famous are the ancient Hopi Indians. according the knowledge-gettin' places, their supposed prophesies declare that the beginning of the end of days is by the coming of the white man ('course, look at it from their point of view, i can see how that would seem like the end of the world, the way they were treated), rail roads and highways ("iron snakes and stone rivers that cross the land"), the internet ("giant spider's web the criss-crosses the whole world), and the recent oil spills ("seas that turn black").
the actual Hopi apocalypse includes a blue star from the heavens "falling to the earth with a crash" (i have no idea what "blue star" actually means, whether it's a metaphore for something, like the iron snake thing, or if blue stars are actually scientiffically concievable), followed by major earthquakes, WWIII with large battles in desserts, and the coming of Pahana, a prophet teacher to usher in the new age.
sounds good. bit of a retrospect bias in there, but i can dig it, just as long as Pahana=Jesus.
NOSTRADAMUS APOCALYPSE
here's another famous one you might've heard of: the "prophesies" of Nostradamus, which declare WWIII beginning in July of 1999 (which i don't really recall happening; even an 8-year-old would notice a world war during the commercials of "Pinkie and the Brain"), and the coming of the Third Antichrist (apparantly, Hitler was the second, and i can't find record of the first), whether this means his coming into power, or into the World.
i'm not well-versed enough in world politics to have an idea which power-pusher would be the Big A, but if he were in power already, i'm sure everyone would be shoving it down my throat, all about how great he is, how he's going bring world peace (as the Great Deciever, according to every culture with this apocolyptic aspect, will be celebrated, not feared). however, if he were born a Sagitarious in 1999, except for the occasional "prodegy" reports, we wouldn't hear from him, probably, for at least another 20 years (unless he pulls a "Damien" thing).
still, most of his prophesies are only made sense of in a hindsight bias -- it already happened, now we understand what he was talking about! we should've known exactly where and when Hitler was going to be born! we know now that we already knew that the 9/11 attack was going to happen! .... so, why didn't anyone do anything to stop it ahead of time? churns my butter, man. even if his predictions are real and God-based as he claimed, there's no point in giving prophesies if no one is going to listen to them until ten to fifty years after the fact!
"WEB-BOT PROJECT" APOCALYPSE
looking to the modernization of apocalyptic, we look to the "Web-Bot project", initiated in 1990. it swims through the internet, checking out page after page, picking out patterns in web chatter, originally to predict stock market patterns, but, according to its programmers and the millions of conspiracy theorists in its following, the Bot had other plans: that of predicting disasters. again, in a hindsight bias, it is sworn to have predicted the 9/11 attack (but no action was taken to prevent it), the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami (ditto), and some sort of "cataclysmic disaster" occuring on 12/21/12 (probably due to all the Myan Apocalypse blogs out ther; not hard to figure that one out), with a four-month period of complete electrical communication silence following (did people just schedule their lives around the apocalypse? how else would it be able to decide that?), picking up again in mid-April, 2013. sounds like a fallout to me! that's my favorite part!
CHRISTIAN APOCALYPSE
it's sad to learn that this is not a very popular apocalyptic theory. had to do four google searches just to find some catalogued information that made it a little more clear to understand than the thee's, thou's, and 'tst's in my bible. (still not sure any of the information i found was helpful...)
the first big sign is Israel land fights being over, which happened somewhere in the 1940's. other than that, there's some others that i find too confusing to place (and no one out there is helping me!), other than God told Noah that the next time he destroyed the Earth, it would be with fire (which, you know, could mean solar flare, meteorites, volcano, war...), and that no one, not even Jesus, knows the exact time it will happen (which, for me, kinda rules out 12/21/12).
you know about the Antichrist -- i hope everyone does.
Tribulation can be described as the whole Apocalyptic process: the Antichrist's playtime with his accumulated followers, the big disaster, the final countdown before God takes over (in whatever order).
the big thing that sets the Christian apocalypse apart from all the others is the aspect of the Rapture -- that is, when Jesus returns to Earth to escourt all the Christians to Heaven without having to die first. there is some dispute about when during the Tribulation this will occur; the "Left Behind" films suggest pre-Trib. rapture, while others side with post-Trib. mid-Trib is also a choice, but it's too inexact to talk about. personally, i'm hoping for mid- to post-Trib, to get some of the disaster fallout action (not upto me, of course, but a girl can hope).
i hope you enjoyed this entery, and hope the educational elements have not turned you off to the rest of Post-Apocalyptic February -- it gets more fun, but just felt needed to address this before i did anything.
happy P-A feb, everybody! embrace the fallout...
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